Stories are like Time Machines

Lets ponder for a moment some great modes of transportation in the time traveling genre, we have the classic Delorean,


And my personal favorite, phone booth,


However, I believe stories are like real time machines. They can transport us anywhere, in the future, or in the past, as well as anywhere in the world.
My family and I tell a lot of stories. Life is a story. CS Lewis says: " It is like a play in which the scene and general outline of the story is fixed by the author, but certain minor details are left to the actors to improvise." God has written our complete story, and we get to play it out.
I am dedicated to my stories. Once during my first year of college I decided to go to the mall and get a hair cut. It was only $12 and I figured, how bad can it be?
When I left my hair was two inches shorter on one side. I kept it this way for several months because it made such a great story.

When I first read The Diary of Anne Frank, I of course was greatly moved, but also concerned. She died, and millions of people read her personal diary. Up until the reading of that book, I had been writing in my journal like any pre-teen, silly things both personal and irrelevant. After reading that book though, I had this secret fear that I would die and someone along the lines would publish my journal, so I had better make it good. Now, if anyone had wanted to read my journal at the time, i would have refused, but I still wrote it as if someone else would read it some day. 

It was a similar reaction when I watched The Truman Show for the first time, I was convinced I was Truman. 

End results, I like blogging because it's like I am writing in a journal with the intent of other people reading, while content if I am the only one :)

Raisins are Crinkly Turds of Disappointment

I hate raisins. Sam was right, raisins are humiliated grapes. There is nothing worse ( I use this phrase lightly because there are plenty of things worse, such as having to watch a marathon of soap operas or having to cut off you own limb) then biting into what you innocently expect to be a chocolate chip cookie and discover that they aren't chocolate chips at all but yucky raisins.

See the problems with the fake chocolate posing raisin cookies are:
A. your mouth is filled with yuckyness instead of yummyness
B. the rest of your cookie is now worthless
C. you have lost your cookie choosing innocence and will be hesitant for the rest of your life when choosing chocolate chip cookies for fear of a repeat disaster
I recently made some art.. portraying my emotions to raisins:

The cross in his eyes represents death to your cookie eating happiness and red is symbolic of the anger you are about to feel upon your revelation of not chocolate. The jagged teeth are how raisin cookies take a bite out of your trust in cookies. The caption is the raisin mocking me.
Also raisins kind of look like bugs.
I like granola, and usually take the time to search for the non-raisin kind, which is hard to find. Sometimes though I lose my ability to think and buy some with raisins, thinking oh I'll just sort them out. This plan never works, because even in my normal mind I don't sort out the raisins, but in morning, my brain is like a brain dead turkey and I can't do anything. For example, my house is heated by a wood stove. A couple years ago before leaving for class every morning, I would bring in wood and load up the stove. One morning I didn't have coffee, and instead of putting wood in the stove and wood holder, I stacked the wood beside the wood holder and put the logs near the stove but not in, and left a trail of logs going outside and also leaving the door open. I have no memory of this nor how it happened. Brain dead turkey. So buying granola with raisins and expecting that I'll remember to pick them out in morning never works out. Sometimes I panic and forget what raisins are and think they are bugs. Mornings aren't my friend. Raisins aren't my friends either. I hope they don't join forces..........

Watching Videos of Six Year Old Us Can Be A Strange Experience

I am addicted to this juice:
   Its kind of amazing. I do feel awkward buying it though, like my brain is malnourished  or something. When I was buying my groceries today, the check out boy asked me "So what have you been you to lately?". I have never seen him before in my life and thought this a strange question. I then panicked because I first thought it was a girl till he talked which threw me off, and he had one of those names that could go either way. WHY??  My second panic was do I know him?? Have we met? Am I supposed to know who this is? 
So I responded with: "Nothing much."
I have a friend who always tells me situations are only awkward if you make them. Well awesome that explains why everything I do is awkward.

When I was a kid though, nothing was awkward. Life was awesome. My favorite shirt as a little one was a Barbie shirt that was pink and black polka dots in the middle and purple and black polka dots on the sleeves. And like any good 90's child there were plenty of ruffles. Over Christmas my family and I watched home videos. This was both awesome and terrible. In one video my mom asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up, and I said a mom. She then suggested I become a person who digs up dinosaur bones, to which I pondered and later decided thats what I wanted to be. Being confronted with your little self is slightly uncomfortable. I now hate pink and Barbies, and didn't become a paleontologist. I have done some of the things I wanted to do as a kid, such as visit different countries, but overall my life has gone in completely different directions then I expected. In a good way.
I love George Cloney's explanation of destiny in the movie Men Who Stare at Goats. He talks about how destiny is like a river, and we can try and fight the current, but we are still in the river going towards what we were meant to do. Now I am not a Calvinist and nor a firm believer in pre-destination because there are some things in that theology I don't agree with...but I do believe in destiny. There have been so many times that the Lord gave me no other choice then to do what I did, while other times required prayer and discernment. I think the Lord's plan for us is like a river, guiding us in His perfect ways. Granted, we can get off track, but if we really in our deepest heart chamber want His will for our life, then we can't go wrong. He won't let us.

While at home, I wanted to do this project by Ze Frank. He had people find photos of themselves as younger or kids and then recreate the photo in modern day. People would then send in both pictures, the project was called "young me now me" and the results were awesome. Over Christmas my family and I did this and here are our results:

1994 /2010

















It was pretty amazing. We had to pay my brother to participate. Reflecting on your childhood is uncomfortable sometimes because it can be embarrassing, but its our roots, and though we change and grow there will always be little us inside.
Since my mom went to all the trouble of finding ugly nighties, my sister and I took a few more pictures for fun.

Overall it was a pretty amazing Christmas. I was constantly reminded and humbled by what an amazing family I am blessed with. Also weird. We are all pretty weird. :)

If I Had the 90's to Do Over, I Would Be a Ska Kid

I am for serious. Ska music is quite possibly my favorite genre of music. Why did it end? If freakin' leg warmers can make a come back, then where is the ska revolution?
Let's start one.

"Skater pants.
Sixties suits.
Looks real modern but its all about roots.
Two tone army!" - Toasters

I'm not kidding. Ska is like if emotions had theme music. Happiness would be ska. (Or banjo music, Steve Martin is correct)
I did actually try to be a ska kid in the 90's. I had those huge baggy jeans, the brand started with a J? JYNX? JYNC? There were letters.
 I wore thrift store Vans. I tried to skate board. I pretended I knew how. I was what people refer to as a poser. I did listen to a lot of ska though. This phase was between the ages of 13 and 15.
When I turned 16, I got a Squad Five-O CD from a friend and that was a game changer. Chucks soon replaced my wore out Vans, and straight leg jeans and back t's replaced the baggyness. This started the phase of poser-punk and my attempts to be cool.
18 years old finds me listening to mostly Christian music (I was in Bible school and also its no longer the 90,s, I'm not that old) and having no style at all. All I wore was straight legged jeans and black shirts. I guess Christian music doesn't inspire much style options.
When I was 20, I started college. This was when my music genres were:
1.) Screamo
2.) Classic Rock
I also was obsessed with being cool. This had always been a minor obsession, but now I had money to actually support it. I think I was able to achieve a small level of coolness. Somewhere between Flight of the Concords cool and sipping lattes in book stores cool. (notice my level of cool never left out the goofy factor thus the Flight of the Concords reference) Unfortunately though, being cool is totally bogus. Its really boring, because you can only do "cool" things and say "cool" things and also people don't really like you, they just like your coolness.
So after finally reaching what I considered to be cool, I decided it sucked and returned to my real self. Goofy.(I did go through a punk phase too later but that phase was more serious then my other phases, I mean once you wear suspenders for style theres no going back)
Its funny how music almost my whole life was influenced the way I dress. This is true with certain genres for lots of people. I'm glad its not true for all genres. (People dressed like polka or new wave would be quite disturbing.) Ever since I was a teenager, I let the music I listened to influence the way I dress. Why is this? Why does music provoke such a strong reaction?
Ska music = baggy pants & Vans
Punk = straight leg jeans & Chucks & suspenders
Folk = tie-dye & scarfs & moccasin boots
God created music. God created us. I think that He has placed a song in each of us, something unique to each person. While all the music I love has contributed to who I am today, (with the exception of baggy pants) who I am really lies inside, the song He wrote for me about me. Sometimes (by sometimes I mean practically daily)
I forget this song exists and listen to the songs of this world and let them define me. As I sit here listening to ska and remembering the struggle of being a teenager, and feeling the same struggle these days, it dawns on me that I haven't been listening to the right song.
Our identity lies in who the Lord says we are and when we listen to that song then we can access our true ID :) Though I do think my true identity does come with suspenders :)

Five Snow Days in a Row Does Not Yield Expected Results

Today is day 5 in a full week of no school because of snow. Let me just say that my position does not provide paid leave days so no school = no work = no money. Awesome.
I started the first day with blind optimism, my thoughts centering around conceded ideas of days off spent being "productive" and relaxing. (let me just say here why do we think time off needs to be "productive"? What is being productive anyway? I am not a robot I am not producing anything ((as far as I know)) yet time off always holds hands with the ugly beast of productivity)
My goals being high, I didn't take into account something that usually messes up my plans of aweseomness. ME.

See its like the thought that if I buy an MP3 player, then I will exercise. Or if I don't buy a TV then I will watch TV less. Or, if I am snowed in for several days then I will spend that time wisely and do awesome things. The faulty factor in this Cause and Effect equation is a little thing called lack of self control.  Messes me up every time. Let me start the explanation of what really happened with a visual:

Monday: (italics are my thoughts)
hurray no school I can sleep in
Drank tea
ordered Christmas presents
Listened to my current favorite records: The Skids (Scottish new-wave/punk band from the 80's) and Men Without Hats (80-90's new wave band made famous by their Safety Dance song & video)

Tuesday:
oh. another day ok.
oh crap the pipes are frozen
Spent the morning trying to re-stroke the fire and figure out why we had no water
Went into panic because no water = no coffee
Braved ice for water/cheese run
Watched Prison Break on Netflciks (When I was in Scotland my rommies and I watched the entire series of Prison Break and it was great bonding, even though quite possibly the most stressful thing I have ever watched. So these days of missing Scotland times & friends, I am re-watching the series. Let me just say that knowing whats going to happen does not make it less stressful)
Pipes aren't frozen just water pressure thingy needing fixing
Filled every trash can and container in the house with water prior to the knowledge and fixing of problem.
Ran out of wood for stove.
Got wood for stove

Wednesday:
You have to be kidding me. Another freakin snow day?!?!
Half of house has no electricity. Replaced broken fuse.
Ran out of money, handmade rest of Christmas gifts.
Tired of Prison Break, listened to online radio. (Now, usually I choose Pandora because it's my favorite online radio, but this day I felt bored of that so I listened to the World Music station on AOL)
Ran out of all my food except potatoes (A couple weeks ago the store put a 10 lb bag of potatoes on sale for  the same price as a 5 lb bag. Seeing a good bargain and being a fan of potatoes, I got the 10 lb bag. The only problem with buying 10 lbs of potatoes is now I have to eat 10 lbs of potatoes)
Finished current book, Through the Looking Glass by Lewis Carol and started Miracles by CS Lewis

Thursday:
uggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg.
Leaking kitchen pipe
Google + 2 cups of coffee + duct tape = fixed leaking pipe (I always drink 2 cups of coffee in the morning. The first cup of coffee is for basic survival, not walking out in front of moving traffic, not setting the house on fire and so on ((all things that happened while not having any coffee)) The second cup is for problem solving and communication.
Ice melted enough for parents to come visit and take my sister and I to lunch = no potatoes and eating meat = :)
Tried to fix broken MP3 player. Failed.
Tired of radio and finished Prison Break series.
Watched new documentary featuring my favorite artist Banksy, and another great street artist Shepherd Fairey. (It was called Exit Through the Gift Shop and was amazing. Not only did it feature a secret interview with the elusive Banksy, but introduced an artist I had never heard of, Mister BrainWash. MBW is a copy-cat street artist and it was an interesting look at the lives of these 3 artists. Somebody needs to watch it so we can talk about it)

Friday:
crap. I wrote only one lesson plan and never went and fired the kiln. dang. 


There it is. I don't know why we think we can change over night. If I'm not spending my time well over the weekend, whats going to change so I would do better during the week? I don't like the pressure of "being productive" during down time. I do what I can and don't sweat the rest.
I don't think our Pappa wants us to feel guilty, especially when we feel guilty for expectations we put on ourselves.

"He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justly, To love mercy, And to walk humbly with your God." Micah 6:8


We just make things more complicated then we need to. As long as the heart of each day is along this verse, then everything else is a bonus :)

"Ms Kansas do you sweat a lot?"

I work with kids. Theres something about working with kids that builds your self esteem, like when they tell you that you're their favorite teacher.One student told me I was the most interesting person he has ever known, that I have seen and done everything.
They also can make you feel self aware with some of the questions and comments they make:
"Ms Kansas do you sweat a lot?"
"What size do you wear in children's clothing?"
"How old are you?........oh my god..."
"Do you have children? (no) Oh. Thats disappointing."
"If you weren't so tall you'd be chubby like me."
"You're my favorite art teacher." (to which I respond: Thanks! I'm somebodies favorite teacher) "No.I said favorite art teacher. There are at least 3 other teachers I like better then you."

The thing about kids, is they are uninhabited. Last week at after-school we had a group gingerbread competition.  The classes are 5-8 and each grade made projects of their own design to compete with the grades. Amidst the chaos of 70 kids running amok eating the decorations, some pretty cute gingerbread creations were made. Surprisingly, the younger group outshone the older grades with amazingly creative..err gingerbread buildings. I say buildings rather then houses because they were much more creative then just a house.
I was working with an older group on that project, and the stress level for some of the kids felt like the world would melt into lava if they didn't do a good job on the "fun" project. One kid almost had a nervous breakdown, and another said she dreamed about it that night. As much as I could, I tried to convince them it was fun and not to worry how it turned out.
The oldest class was even worst. Most didn't even try. It didn't make sense to me at first why the younger kids would do a better job with this project. The more I thought about it though, the more it made sense. As we get older, we get more self aware. We start putting pressures on our selves and let fear of what people think predict our words and actions. Picasso once said:  "Every child is born an artist, the problem is to remain one once they grow up." The older the kids were, the more pressure they felt to "produce" something successful rather then have fun and be creative. The younger kids felt no such pressure nor were they afraid to take risks. One group made a gingerbread outhouse and it turned out amazing. 

Jesus often mentions His desire for His followers to be like little children. What does this mean? To run amok? Perhaps. More importantly though it means to live uninhibited by fear. In my life, when I find myself afraid to take risks, it means somewhere along the line I have lost my confidence in my being a child of God. Kids don't question who they are, they just accept their place and where they come from. Why should the children of God be any different? We have the best Pappa of all and He loves us completely. He desires us to live uninhabited by fear. Freedom in His love.

I Never Thought I'd End Up Here (but I'm sure glad I did)

Sometimes life plays out like movies. The comedic timing is perfect, they say just the right thing. Everything falls into place right where you want it to. I love these moments though  they don't happen all that often. The moments that don't play out like the movies happen more often and unlike the movies, we don't have those convenient flash-fowards of life down the road. You know what I'm talking about, those freeze frames of happy assurance that these characters we've invested our time in turn out ok.

Squintz marries Wendy Peppercorn and Benny the Jet Rodreges makes it in baseball.

Movies have this all the time, little windows into the future, or train box cars telling us everything turns out OK in the end.
People find love and happiness and success. It's nice. I like movies that end like this. You don't have to wonder about the future, and while you don't get to see it, you have tangible assurance that it turns out good.

I also appreciate writers who are clever and everything you see or every person you meet is written in for a reason and a purpose. From a banana stand to the Korean kid hiding in the walls, good writing ties everything up in the end and as an outside viewer you get to see it all.

While I love good books, movies and the occasional TV show, there is a greater story being written by the Greatest Writer of all: LIFE.
While we can't see the end and don't have those nice flash forwards, we do have assurance that it turns out OK in the end.
If good writing does nothing by accident, has the best interests of the characters in mind, and promises a good outcome, then I am a part of the greatest story of all, being written by Him who is the greatest Author of all.

Which is to say its going to be good :)