Sometimes when I watch movies I get stressed out. Maybe I'm watching a movie that I have heard good things about, or been told I would like. This sets me up with expectations, my number one expectation is that this movie will have a happy conclusion.
This is where the stress comes in. I believe and expect a happy ending, but what I am seeing contradicts my expectations. There is conflict, drama, secrets and suspense that are standing in the way of my much desired happy ending.
Are you ever watching a movie like this with so much up in the air, then you look at the time left and see the movie only has like 8 minutes left? How can all this possibly resolve in 8 minutes?? Sometimes it seems impossible. You know that it will conclude in some way, and if you have prior knowledge of the movie then you expect this conclusion to be pleasant. Sometimes I just can't see how its going to happen.
This happens to me in real life
There are things I know, such as God is good, and He always works things out. These are my expectations. However these expectations can get lost in situations, Sometimes things are happening, and while abstractly I know it'll all work out, I can't see how. And there's only 8 mins left...how is all of this going to resolve??
Last week I had one of these experiences.
I didn't this summer, and as a teacher this equals no paycheck for 2 months. Going into it, I knew this and had planned and budgeted accordingly, but then life happened and I had unexpected expenses which left me super broke. On Thursday of last week, I paid all of my bills, and had a surplus of $40. This was all the money I had left for gas and food for 3 weeks as well as money for an 8 hr road trip, which I had calculated round trip would cost me about $140. I have to take next weekend. Needless to say I was pretty stressed out. I kept praying for a miracle, but felt guilty for asking, as it was my own fault that I was so broke. Then I decided that I don't deserve anything ever really, so worse case I could ask for a miracle and God could just say no. So I asked for a miracle, like magical money in my account or unexpected checks in the mail miracle.
I did not have faith this would help.
I kept thinking about how God is good and does ALWAYS work stuff out, but how I couldn't see how it could possibly happen this time. (how many times have I thought that??)
So Friday I woke up with a peace. I decided that stress wouldn't help me at all, and the Lord told me to just take things one day at a time, and the rest would work out. I chuckled at this a little thinking 'yeah ok' and went to work.
That evening I got an email from school saying that they had just processed my financial aid (a week late) and would be sending me a refund of $150. Which was just the amount I had prayed for, and would pay for my trip to VA.
Perfect. A little miracle that relieved my concerns for that trip, but still not a complete solution.
This morning came part two.
I went to check my account balance because I knew it'd be bad since I had to get some gas yesterday.
Now let my preface this with I am a state employee, and I get paid routinely at the end of every month. It used to be the last Friday of every month, but they changed it this year to the last day, which was the cause of my lack of money, since I wouldn't be getting a check until the last of this month and hadn't gotten a paycheck since the end June.
Ok.
So logged into my checking account today, and much much to my surprise, found there to be money in it. For whatever reason, my monthly paycheck had been deposited into my account this morning, rather then when its supposed to be deposited, Sep. 28th.
WOAH!
This is a miracle. Let me just say that really took me by surprise.
Like I said I am on the State payroll, and get paid with everyone else so either they changed the schedule and I didn't know or they made a mistake and paid me early.
I don't really care what happened, either way it is an absolute miracle and came at the exact time I need it.
My mind is kinda blown.
Like I said I didn't know how I was going to eat, or get gas for work these next few weeks. I had abstract faith but it was fickle and mostly I was worried. But Friday I decided to choose faith, and hope that with that choice faith would come.
God totally surprised me.
I am embarrassed at how surprised I am.
I am not writing this to brag or make myself look good at all. Like I said I feel lame for not expecting my prayers to be answered, literally exactly what I had asked for, miraculous money in the mail and in my account.
It's crazy.
I shared because God gave me a gift that I did't deserve or even expected to receive and I want to acknowledge that.
I didn't deserve that miracle in the same way I don't deserve anything from God, but He still wants us to ask and He still gives.
Saturday, September 8, 2012
Saturday, May 12, 2012
Uncommon Common Bonds
Are you ever doing something that feels rather normal and in your mind it seems like such a normal activity that you don't even question it as something abnormal until someone gives that look.
That look that is to say "what the heck is that....' or "who is this weirdo".
This happens to me all the time.
I can be going along, minding my own business when some jive turkey will be like "woah look at Kansas. She's eating that apple soooo strangely. I've never seen anyone eat an apple like that" (this was from a professor in the middle of a lecture who then proceeded to grab my apple and hold it up for the whole class to see and mock my eating strategies)
Suddenly my whole false illusion of "normality" (I won't get started on that today) is shattered and I am left questioning my very simplest of actions. (do I eat apples weirdly? How many different ways are there to eat an apple? Who even cares about the process of eating an apple? Do I eat other things strangely?)
It can be upsetting.
It can also be helpful. As a kid I had a severe speech impediment (which my folks choose to not tell me about..) that I found out existed when one of my friends informed me I "talked funny". This recognition also helped work through the problem and speak correctly.
Sometimes I'll be doing something or talking about something and based on other peoples reactions realize that what I am describing is something only my family does. I thought the "I SEE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS!!!!" game was universal. Sadly so far my family seems to be the originator (though over the years we have converted many folks to its wonders).
Its cool though when we can find common ground with other people. There are certain things that every (I guess every American at least) person seems to have experienced. Everyone played lava floor as a kid, even though I swear we made it up. Every kid raised in the 90's knows what ska is and every Christian in the 90's wasn't allowed to watch anything because everything was evil.
Every home-school has suffered through Saxton math and years and years of Ancient Egyptian studies.
It just happens.
Its the uncommon commonalities that I find fascinating.
When I was a little kid, visits to my grandparents always held certain consistencies.
There would always be gifts. (things like loose grapes. yard sale underwear. sand pales. used lip stick)
There would always be mass quantities of various potato based dishes.
And there was always strawberry jello.
My grandmother would always get frozen strawberries to add to the jello, but since jello is one of the grossest foods of ever, I would always just eat the frozen strawberries.
Even now as an adult, I still love frozen strawberries. My roommate got me a nice blender for Christmas and I have been trying different smoothies. I have discovered though that I really prefer to just the frozen smoothie mix to the actual smoothie.
Weird I know. I thought I was the only one who enjoyed eating frozen fruit.
Till today. I went to get some groceries and was going to buy some frozen fruit when I found they now sell serving sized cups of frozen fruit. Designed to store and eat frozen.
I am not the only one!
Cool.
When I was a teenager I was obsessed with being different. I tried some weird styles to look apart from everyone else. I didn't like popular things. (if you are thinking 'gah she has always been a hipster' i will be very offended (which makes me more of a hipster! ahhhh!) )
What I didn't know was, I'm pretty different already I don't really have to try very hard. (this is in a making fun of myself way not in a braggy way)
And also, those uncommon commonalities are pretty awesome.
CS Lewis once said: "“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”
Its a cool way God gave us to connect with those around us.
And sometimes it can start with something little like a common love for Five Iron Frenzy and turn into something great.
You never know :)
If there are other people in this world sitting at home with blue stained fingers (an unfortunate side-effect of eating frozen blueberries I discovered too late into an afternoon outing one day) just like myself, then who knows the possibilities.
Afterall, we are all apart of the same giant yarnball :)
That look that is to say "what the heck is that....' or "who is this weirdo".
This happens to me all the time.
I can be going along, minding my own business when some jive turkey will be like "woah look at Kansas. She's eating that apple soooo strangely. I've never seen anyone eat an apple like that" (this was from a professor in the middle of a lecture who then proceeded to grab my apple and hold it up for the whole class to see and mock my eating strategies)
Suddenly my whole false illusion of "normality" (I won't get started on that today) is shattered and I am left questioning my very simplest of actions. (do I eat apples weirdly? How many different ways are there to eat an apple? Who even cares about the process of eating an apple? Do I eat other things strangely?)
It can be upsetting.
It can also be helpful. As a kid I had a severe speech impediment (which my folks choose to not tell me about..) that I found out existed when one of my friends informed me I "talked funny". This recognition also helped work through the problem and speak correctly.
Sometimes I'll be doing something or talking about something and based on other peoples reactions realize that what I am describing is something only my family does. I thought the "I SEE CHRISTMAS LIGHTS!!!!" game was universal. Sadly so far my family seems to be the originator (though over the years we have converted many folks to its wonders).
Its cool though when we can find common ground with other people. There are certain things that every (I guess every American at least) person seems to have experienced. Everyone played lava floor as a kid, even though I swear we made it up. Every kid raised in the 90's knows what ska is and every Christian in the 90's wasn't allowed to watch anything because everything was evil.
Every home-school has suffered through Saxton math and years and years of Ancient Egyptian studies.
It just happens.
Its the uncommon commonalities that I find fascinating.
When I was a little kid, visits to my grandparents always held certain consistencies.
There would always be gifts. (things like loose grapes. yard sale underwear. sand pales. used lip stick)
There would always be mass quantities of various potato based dishes.
And there was always strawberry jello.
My grandmother would always get frozen strawberries to add to the jello, but since jello is one of the grossest foods of ever, I would always just eat the frozen strawberries.
Even now as an adult, I still love frozen strawberries. My roommate got me a nice blender for Christmas and I have been trying different smoothies. I have discovered though that I really prefer to just the frozen smoothie mix to the actual smoothie.
Weird I know. I thought I was the only one who enjoyed eating frozen fruit.
Till today. I went to get some groceries and was going to buy some frozen fruit when I found they now sell serving sized cups of frozen fruit. Designed to store and eat frozen.
I am not the only one!
Cool.
When I was a teenager I was obsessed with being different. I tried some weird styles to look apart from everyone else. I didn't like popular things. (if you are thinking 'gah she has always been a hipster' i will be very offended (which makes me more of a hipster! ahhhh!) )
What I didn't know was, I'm pretty different already I don't really have to try very hard. (this is in a making fun of myself way not in a braggy way)
And also, those uncommon commonalities are pretty awesome.
CS Lewis once said: "“Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: "What! You too? I thought I was the only one.”
Its a cool way God gave us to connect with those around us.
And sometimes it can start with something little like a common love for Five Iron Frenzy and turn into something great.
You never know :)
If there are other people in this world sitting at home with blue stained fingers (an unfortunate side-effect of eating frozen blueberries I discovered too late into an afternoon outing one day) just like myself, then who knows the possibilities.
Afterall, we are all apart of the same giant yarnball :)
Sunday, January 15, 2012
There's Bad Luck & Good Luck. And Then There's Ironic Luck
The entertainment industry makes a copious amount of money every year with movies and TV shows based around the idea of ironic luck and awkwardness.
The Office.
Arrested Development.
Dinner for Schmucks
Due Date
Every Wes Anderson film
I could keep going, because to me it seems that being awkward and having ironic things happen to you is trendy.
Cool. That is me. Everyday.
When did this trend start?
In the 50's everything always went perfect in the movies. And in the 90's. (I'm skipping the 60's-80's because the obvious themes of anarchy and rebellion don't fit into my illustration today..perhaps another blog)
The character always will win that race, get that girl, score the perfect job. I mean can you even think of an episode of Full House where Bob Saget said the wrong thing? Nope. Everything was peachy keen all the time.
So I must say that I do appreciate that media now is more sympathetic towards the folks who maybe don't always say the right thing, or are awkward instead of suave. Who spill not one, but two of their three meals on themselves in one day. (...yep.)
I used to always say "that'd be my luck" in situations where something bad would happen.
But that is not entirely fair. I don't have bad luck, in fact I feel very lucky and blessed with what I have.
I do however have ironic luck. Things just happen to me (and my family) that is just weird. Ironic and strange. This most occurs when we try to do something normal, like go to church.
I build up these expectations in my mind of something is going to go down.
I should stop doing this.
I am always wrong.
This past New Year's Eve was one of those.
There was a worship service about an hour from me, so Ellysa & I decided to trundle over and spend the New Year in worship. We ended up not getting there till about 11:50 pm, almost mid-night.
Problem, the building looks empty. There are like 4 cars, no lights no sound. It appeared that no one was there.
This was disappointment number one.
With our plans thwarted, we decided to go back on the highway and watch the ball drop at midnight. On the way right off the highway, we saw a giant ball, covered in lights hanging from a crane. So as lame as that seemed it was a better option then spending midnight in the car being cranky.
So we drove back to where we saw it, and it was gone.
Disappointment number two. (how could they move a whole crane and giant ball so quickly??)
Our vain search for the ball led us down town. This was now 11:58 pm.
We saw large crowd in some grass so we decided to park and check it out.
So I pulled into the first space we could find.
As it turns out they were standing around for fireworks. It was now midnight. We knew there were fireworks happening not because we could see them, but we could could hear.
We couldn't see them because I had parked in front of the only building down town that was directly in front of the fireworks.
Disappointment number three.
When I teach my classes, I always create an example. I find it helpful to have a visual/physical thing to look at and say "ah, thats what I'm supposed to be doing." God likes this strategy also.
Growing up in a charismatic church was awesome, but had some faults. One thing I am learning to work through these days is the idea of grand, emotional em "super spiritual" experiences. These are pretty nice yes?
They are. But thing is, they can become about the emotions, the feelings you get from it, the experience rather then the Lord.
Maybe this is me only? I wanted to go to that worship thing not really to connect with the Lord, but to feel encouraged and ministered to by other people.
Ok. Let me splain.
A) I don't think its wrong to want encouragement from other Christians, that's where it should come from above all else
B) We can connect with God anywhere, it doesn't have to be some extreme meeting or fancy setup.
I think what I was doing though was placing my expectations in people or the situation rather then in the Lord. This whole past year has been a challenge, and I have been seeing a whole other side to Christianity.
Rather then having prophetic dreams all the time, or visions or deep emotional times of worship, its been more simple. (refer to my star/shooting star analogy) This used to make me feel like I was doing something wrong.
I don't feel this so much any more. Life is full of seasons and some seasons are quieter then others.
Perhaps you do the most growing in these quiet seasons?
Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; 13 for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.
Philippians 2:12-13
We cannot do anything to be more then what we are without God doing it through us. So when we feel less spiritual, how can that even be true when God is working through us? These quiet times are His hand too.
I'm slow with learning things so I'm glad for these lessons.
Though I do think if I could turn my life into a reality show and financially benefit too that would be good.
The Office.
Arrested Development.
Dinner for Schmucks
Due Date
Every Wes Anderson film
I could keep going, because to me it seems that being awkward and having ironic things happen to you is trendy.
Cool. That is me. Everyday.
When did this trend start?
In the 50's everything always went perfect in the movies. And in the 90's. (I'm skipping the 60's-80's because the obvious themes of anarchy and rebellion don't fit into my illustration today..perhaps another blog)
The character always will win that race, get that girl, score the perfect job. I mean can you even think of an episode of Full House where Bob Saget said the wrong thing? Nope. Everything was peachy keen all the time.
So I must say that I do appreciate that media now is more sympathetic towards the folks who maybe don't always say the right thing, or are awkward instead of suave. Who spill not one, but two of their three meals on themselves in one day. (...yep.)
I used to always say "that'd be my luck" in situations where something bad would happen.
But that is not entirely fair. I don't have bad luck, in fact I feel very lucky and blessed with what I have.
I do however have ironic luck. Things just happen to me (and my family) that is just weird. Ironic and strange. This most occurs when we try to do something normal, like go to church.
I build up these expectations in my mind of something is going to go down.
I should stop doing this.
I am always wrong.
This past New Year's Eve was one of those.
There was a worship service about an hour from me, so Ellysa & I decided to trundle over and spend the New Year in worship. We ended up not getting there till about 11:50 pm, almost mid-night.
Problem, the building looks empty. There are like 4 cars, no lights no sound. It appeared that no one was there.
This was disappointment number one.
With our plans thwarted, we decided to go back on the highway and watch the ball drop at midnight. On the way right off the highway, we saw a giant ball, covered in lights hanging from a crane. So as lame as that seemed it was a better option then spending midnight in the car being cranky.
So we drove back to where we saw it, and it was gone.
Disappointment number two. (how could they move a whole crane and giant ball so quickly??)
Our vain search for the ball led us down town. This was now 11:58 pm.
We saw large crowd in some grass so we decided to park and check it out.
So I pulled into the first space we could find.
As it turns out they were standing around for fireworks. It was now midnight. We knew there were fireworks happening not because we could see them, but we could could hear.
We couldn't see them because I had parked in front of the only building down town that was directly in front of the fireworks.
Disappointment number three.
When I teach my classes, I always create an example. I find it helpful to have a visual/physical thing to look at and say "ah, thats what I'm supposed to be doing." God likes this strategy also.
Growing up in a charismatic church was awesome, but had some faults. One thing I am learning to work through these days is the idea of grand, emotional em "super spiritual" experiences. These are pretty nice yes?
They are. But thing is, they can become about the emotions, the feelings you get from it, the experience rather then the Lord.
Maybe this is me only? I wanted to go to that worship thing not really to connect with the Lord, but to feel encouraged and ministered to by other people.
Ok. Let me splain.
A) I don't think its wrong to want encouragement from other Christians, that's where it should come from above all else
B) We can connect with God anywhere, it doesn't have to be some extreme meeting or fancy setup.
I think what I was doing though was placing my expectations in people or the situation rather then in the Lord. This whole past year has been a challenge, and I have been seeing a whole other side to Christianity.
Rather then having prophetic dreams all the time, or visions or deep emotional times of worship, its been more simple. (refer to my star/shooting star analogy) This used to make me feel like I was doing something wrong.
I don't feel this so much any more. Life is full of seasons and some seasons are quieter then others.
Perhaps you do the most growing in these quiet seasons?
Therefore, my beloved, as you have always obeyed, not as in my presence only, but now much more in my absence, work out your own salvation with fear and trembling; 13 for it is God who works in you both to will and to do for His good pleasure.
Philippians 2:12-13
We cannot do anything to be more then what we are without God doing it through us. So when we feel less spiritual, how can that even be true when God is working through us? These quiet times are His hand too.
I'm slow with learning things so I'm glad for these lessons.
Though I do think if I could turn my life into a reality show and financially benefit too that would be good.
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