The Blues Brothers is one of my favorite movies of all time.
Now, that is to say while it will always remain my "favorite" I have other favorites, just Blues Bros is my most favorite. (thank you Brian Regan)
Growing up with Michael who is constantly making charts and lists comparing movies, I feel the need to note some favorites before continuing:
1. Blues Brothers
2. The Jerk
3. The Lost Skeleton of Cadavra
4.The NeverEnding Story
5. Son of Rambow
6. Darjeeling Limited
7. Rushmore
8. Royal Tenebaums
9. Bill & Ted's Excellent Adventure
10. Hot Rod
So theres that.
Ever since I first saw The Blues Brothers I loved it. I especially love Dan Aykroyd as Elwood Blues.
Plus Elwood is a fantastic name. So I started naming inadament objects Elwood.
This has gone terribly wrong.
When I was 18 my parents surprised me with a car for Christmas. It was awesome, an old Jeep and was my first car. So of course, I named it Elwood. That morning I drove it down the driveway and back. (it was Christmas and I had nowhere to go so I just toured the driveway.)
The next day the engine threw a rod and destroyed the whole engine killing the car before I ever got to drive it.
Nice.
My first computer I named Elwood.
It lasted a while but recently died.
I got a killer MP3 Player last year.
Named it Elwood.
It dies one week before its 3 month warranty expired. Then I got snowed in for a week. (This was the week when I was snowed in with my roommates for like 5 days straight and I started this blog to keep from going Jack Nicholson on everyone)
I named my last lap-top Elwood.
I had it for not even two years.
It died too.
(Now I have no computer. (I am using my work computer but I can't check Facebook or my email))
I used to joke about naming my first kid Elwood.
I realize now that is a terrible idea.
I am sad at not having a computer. Though about 3 months ago I got this feeling that my computer was close to dying. I just had this feeling it was coming. So when it happened I wasn't that surprised.
Disappointed yes because I can't afford a new one, but not surprised.
A couple months ago I started getting paranoid about my tires. I had a feeling that I was getting close to a flat. One day on my way to work, BAM flat tire.
Again I wasn't really that surprised. (my tire went flat in my driveway which was lucky. But as it turns out I cannot in fact change a tire (I was trying to remove a hub-cap that didn't exist) so I had to call James to rescue me but for the record I NOW know how to change a tire so thats something right?)
I think the Lord gives us these little heads up. You can call it premonition or whatever sounds right to you but I think its just God connecting to us through the little things.
At MorningStar, Steve used to always compare these moments to the signs on the highway reminding you what highway you are on.
You know those long stretches of highway where you are just driving driving and suddenly forget where you are or what road you are on. (I get paraniod that I have missed a turn or somehow meandered away from where I should be) Then comes this nice little sign reminding you that you are still on I-40 and everything is OK. (I was thinking this weekend how so much of my adult life has been around I-40, its crazy! Between Bible school & MorningStar & school I have spent copious amounts of time on that road)
Those little moments of premonition are I think God just reminding us that we are going in the right direction and everything is as it should be.
That is to say I don't get a heads up about everything.
In fact most things surprise me.
And thats been nice too.
But I do appreciate those "hey you are still on the right road" reminders.
Also, now I know to not ever name anything Elwood unless I hate it and want it to die.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
Traveling the Dangerous Vortex Between Sleep and Awake
Sometimes when my alarm goes off in the morning, I have this strange sensation that I have just been summoned from the grave. (extreme I know just follow this thought through)
It starts calm, an innocent quiet feeling that is suddenly distrubed by a dull beep.
This beeping starts to become rhythmical and louder.
As the beeping grows louder, I feel my dream self, quiet and content, abruptly grabbed from happy peaceful dream land and drug through a vast and intense worm hole like vortex. I usually emerge from this vortex groping for my alarm and saying "UGGG".
This morning I smacked myself in the face during a misguided reach for my alarm.
Sometimes in movies, they do this thing where someone dies.
The person is "dead" and experiencing some out of body vision but saved by the calling of their name from a loved one and is drug back into reality and wakes again to life.
While I acknowledge my nightly waking and sleeping is not as dramatic as being brought to life from being dead, at times it feels a little similar.
I do not therefor transition from sleep to awake very efficiently. Those who have known me for awhile can testify to this, remembering stories like the wood log cabin. (one morning on my way to class, I did what I thought was bring in wood for the stove and put in the wood rack. What I in fact had done was made a wood log cabin beside the wood rack, neglected to put any wood in the actual stove and left the front door open)
A couple of months ago I was bored so I grabbed my camera and went up to the parkway. I wasted time until it was sunset time and plopped down in my favorite overlook and watched the sunset.
I have never told anyone this but I am willing to admit that I cried at the freakin' sunset.
I did. I'm that kid who cries at sunsets.(feel free at this point to mock and judge. Its deserved)
It just happens, it was so beautiful and I just got overwhelmed by God's beauty and love I couldn't help it.
I love moments like that though, moments where Gods love and peace is so overwhelming that it feels almost beyond comprehension. Its tapping into this supernatural vast of love God has for us. One of my favorite verses talks about this:
It starts calm, an innocent quiet feeling that is suddenly distrubed by a dull beep.
This beeping starts to become rhythmical and louder.
As the beeping grows louder, I feel my dream self, quiet and content, abruptly grabbed from happy peaceful dream land and drug through a vast and intense worm hole like vortex. I usually emerge from this vortex groping for my alarm and saying "UGGG".
This morning I smacked myself in the face during a misguided reach for my alarm.
Sometimes in movies, they do this thing where someone dies.
The person is "dead" and experiencing some out of body vision but saved by the calling of their name from a loved one and is drug back into reality and wakes again to life.
While I acknowledge my nightly waking and sleeping is not as dramatic as being brought to life from being dead, at times it feels a little similar.
I do not therefor transition from sleep to awake very efficiently. Those who have known me for awhile can testify to this, remembering stories like the wood log cabin. (one morning on my way to class, I did what I thought was bring in wood for the stove and put in the wood rack. What I in fact had done was made a wood log cabin beside the wood rack, neglected to put any wood in the actual stove and left the front door open)
A couple of months ago I was bored so I grabbed my camera and went up to the parkway. I wasted time until it was sunset time and plopped down in my favorite overlook and watched the sunset.
I have never told anyone this but I am willing to admit that I cried at the freakin' sunset.
I did. I'm that kid who cries at sunsets.(feel free at this point to mock and judge. Its deserved)
It just happens, it was so beautiful and I just got overwhelmed by God's beauty and love I couldn't help it.
I love moments like that though, moments where Gods love and peace is so overwhelming that it feels almost beyond comprehension. Its tapping into this supernatural vast of love God has for us. One of my favorite verses talks about this:
Psalm 139:17-19
New King James Version (NKJV)
How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!
How great is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.
I haven't had a lot of these moments lately though. I have mentioned my therory about star gazing before. I believe on a clear night, if you give it enough time, you will see a shooting star every time.
My current favorite form of star gazing could be considered quite clever, or rather lazy.
Depends.
I say clever. See its winter right? So naturally its cold outside. So my current strategy is to drive somewhere and then lay on the hood of my car because its warm from driving. Clever eh? (yes. Not lazy.) So anyways last week was Thanksgiving. (Well more like 2 or 3 weeks ago.)
Whatever.
Doesn't matter.
I came back home Thanksgiving night and did some contemplative star gazing in my driveway. I was thinking about junk and how long it had been since I saw a shooting star (this is just a matter of maybe 30 seconds) when I settle down and look up to see a brilliant shooting star. I stayed out there maybe 30 mins and saw 2 more.
It was pretty cool.
And unexpected. (lately I have been doubting my 'always see a shooting star' theory) But you know, it doesn't really matter. While shooting stars are amazing, stars in their own right are pretty cool too. Sometimes with the Lord I look for big obvious signs, which again, is nice. But sometimes, He speaks in just little tiny things. And I'm learning to love that too.
My last blog (which was in July, I have been busy (or lazy you choose)) was about obedience. Surprise surprise I am reading another CS Lewis book, Mere Christianity. He talks at one point about love and obedience. (I can never spell obedience, there is this song I learned from camp as a kid that spells it out and every time I type that word I have to sing the song to myself) Lewis makes a statement that I have been pondering these days:
How great is the sum of them!
If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.
I haven't had a lot of these moments lately though. I have mentioned my therory about star gazing before. I believe on a clear night, if you give it enough time, you will see a shooting star every time.
My current favorite form of star gazing could be considered quite clever, or rather lazy.
Depends.
I say clever. See its winter right? So naturally its cold outside. So my current strategy is to drive somewhere and then lay on the hood of my car because its warm from driving. Clever eh? (yes. Not lazy.) So anyways last week was Thanksgiving. (Well more like 2 or 3 weeks ago.)
Whatever.
Doesn't matter.
I came back home Thanksgiving night and did some contemplative star gazing in my driveway. I was thinking about junk and how long it had been since I saw a shooting star (this is just a matter of maybe 30 seconds) when I settle down and look up to see a brilliant shooting star. I stayed out there maybe 30 mins and saw 2 more.
It was pretty cool.
And unexpected. (lately I have been doubting my 'always see a shooting star' theory) But you know, it doesn't really matter. While shooting stars are amazing, stars in their own right are pretty cool too. Sometimes with the Lord I look for big obvious signs, which again, is nice. But sometimes, He speaks in just little tiny things. And I'm learning to love that too.
My last blog (which was in July, I have been busy (or lazy you choose)) was about obedience. Surprise surprise I am reading another CS Lewis book, Mere Christianity. He talks at one point about love and obedience. (I can never spell obedience, there is this song I learned from camp as a kid that spells it out and every time I type that word I have to sing the song to myself) Lewis makes a statement that I have been pondering these days:
" I may repeat "Do as you would be done by" till I am black in the face, but I cannot really carry it out till I love my neighbour as myself: and I cannotlearn to love my neighbor as myself till I learn to love God: and I cannot
learn to love God except by learning to obey Him." CS Lewis, Mere Christianity
I think part of this thing I'm learning these days is about obedience and listening for the Quiet Voice. And while sometimes like my alarm, these great dramatic and extreme events can happen, sometimes His still small voice can be more effective in getting our attention.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Between A and B, It Usually Turns Out to Be Something Random Like M or G
I have this bad habit of accidentally making predictions of how a given situation will pan out.
As an extremist (in certain ways) I tend to think of the outcome in either A. amazingly awesome or B. terribly awful results.
This almost never happens.
Sometimes I'll feel and creative think of maybe a C or D, but never foreseeing the actual results.
For example, recently I had jury duty. In learning of my "duty" I promptly listened to Jury Duty by the OC Supertones and finished the book I was reading which BY CHANCE happened to be a CS Lewis book (I will talk more of this book soon)
As I was sitting in the courthouse, my mind made all these assumptions as to what would happen.
A. While sitting in the courthouse I would meet someone awesome and become best friends or they would give me a million dollars (or something to that extent)
B. I would be called to sit on some awful trial and be forced into a heated debate with the other jurors about a strangers fate.
My thinking led me to conclude that being called for jury duty was either for my unseen benefit (A) or was some awful trial I had to suffer through (B) for some unforeseen benefit of someone else.
Neither A or B happened.
Instead I sat in a courtroom for a few hours reading and then went home.
In both my imaginary conclusions I was at the center, either in a positive light or negative light. This is the problem with expectations, we put ourselves at the center.
In the end, jury duty was just that, duty, an obedient act that had no visible consequences for me.
The book I am reading is Perelandra by C.S. Lewis and is the second book in a space trilogy. I don't want to give anything away as its a great book and I highly recommend the trilogy if you love C.S. Lewis' work as much as I do.
In the book there is a conversation about obedience. In this conversation it is being said that God creates situations in which we are called to obey for no other reason then for the experience of obedience. Lewis' character Ransom goes on further to say that these situations are for us to choose obedience over our will as a way of getting closer to God. In other situations it may be our pleasure to obey God, whether it directly benefits us or is within our on will, some acts of obedience are very easy to do and want.
Other things though, may be against our will but even those situations though hard at first prove to be beneficial in the end.
This is where the A and B assumptions come into play. God asks us to do something and (maybe its just me) we assume it will either have positive results or really suck (but eventually turn around to good).
Once again we are at the center of expectations.
A few years ago I had some rough experiences with the church. I had created all these self-promoting expectations and was let down when they didn't happen. (I am not trying to down play the gravity of what happened I just don't want to get into it right now)
Since that experience, I decided that expectations in general were bad, and therefor I should try not to expect anything, therefor being pleasantly surprised by good things and never let down.
This is a sad way to live and recently God has been challenging these ideas. The problem with expectations like I said is we put ourselves at the center, either in a positive or negative way. The Lord is suggesting that if He is the center of our expectations then we can't go wrong.
What do we know about the Lord and His plans?
A. They are good (Jeremiah 29:11)
B. They are beyond our understanding (Isiah 55:8)
So if we put our expectations in Him rather then in the results then we won't be let down.
Obedience is much the same. I feel God told me to start going to this church. I have been twice now (I skipped toady but that feels like another blog) but haven't really seen much why I should go there. Again I started with expectations of either a totally awesome or awful experience and have had neither.
I don't really see why but I really do feel God told me to go there, and then I started reading this book. As I have mentioned the whole book is about obeying, even when if not especially when it doesn't make any sense. Lewis challenges the reader with the statement:
"Predestination and freedom are apparently identical."
(Not to go into the Calvinistic ideas of predestination vs free will)
My reaction to acts of simple obedience like this is a feeling of losing freedom. Lewis is saying however that when we follow what the Lord has for us through choosing to obey, then that is where true freedom lies.
That's why He gives us these opportunities, not to control us, but to give an opportunity to grow closer through the act and to walk in deeper freedom.
I don't mean to sound like I have all this figured out, because I sure don't.
God told me to go to church and this morning I didn't because I was scared of the commitment. When I write blogs its me processing what God is teaching me. I never have it figured out, that's why i blog about it. Its teaching myself.
Thanks for reading and processing with me :)
As an extremist (in certain ways) I tend to think of the outcome in either A. amazingly awesome or B. terribly awful results.
This almost never happens.
Sometimes I'll feel and creative think of maybe a C or D, but never foreseeing the actual results.
For example, recently I had jury duty. In learning of my "duty" I promptly listened to Jury Duty by the OC Supertones and finished the book I was reading which BY CHANCE happened to be a CS Lewis book (I will talk more of this book soon)
As I was sitting in the courthouse, my mind made all these assumptions as to what would happen.
A. While sitting in the courthouse I would meet someone awesome and become best friends or they would give me a million dollars (or something to that extent)
B. I would be called to sit on some awful trial and be forced into a heated debate with the other jurors about a strangers fate.
My thinking led me to conclude that being called for jury duty was either for my unseen benefit (A) or was some awful trial I had to suffer through (B) for some unforeseen benefit of someone else.
Neither A or B happened.
Instead I sat in a courtroom for a few hours reading and then went home.
In both my imaginary conclusions I was at the center, either in a positive light or negative light. This is the problem with expectations, we put ourselves at the center.
In the end, jury duty was just that, duty, an obedient act that had no visible consequences for me.
The book I am reading is Perelandra by C.S. Lewis and is the second book in a space trilogy. I don't want to give anything away as its a great book and I highly recommend the trilogy if you love C.S. Lewis' work as much as I do.
In the book there is a conversation about obedience. In this conversation it is being said that God creates situations in which we are called to obey for no other reason then for the experience of obedience. Lewis' character Ransom goes on further to say that these situations are for us to choose obedience over our will as a way of getting closer to God. In other situations it may be our pleasure to obey God, whether it directly benefits us or is within our on will, some acts of obedience are very easy to do and want.
Other things though, may be against our will but even those situations though hard at first prove to be beneficial in the end.
This is where the A and B assumptions come into play. God asks us to do something and (maybe its just me) we assume it will either have positive results or really suck (but eventually turn around to good).
Once again we are at the center of expectations.
A few years ago I had some rough experiences with the church. I had created all these self-promoting expectations and was let down when they didn't happen. (I am not trying to down play the gravity of what happened I just don't want to get into it right now)
Since that experience, I decided that expectations in general were bad, and therefor I should try not to expect anything, therefor being pleasantly surprised by good things and never let down.
This is a sad way to live and recently God has been challenging these ideas. The problem with expectations like I said is we put ourselves at the center, either in a positive or negative way. The Lord is suggesting that if He is the center of our expectations then we can't go wrong.
What do we know about the Lord and His plans?
A. They are good (Jeremiah 29:11)
B. They are beyond our understanding (Isiah 55:8)
So if we put our expectations in Him rather then in the results then we won't be let down.
Obedience is much the same. I feel God told me to start going to this church. I have been twice now (I skipped toady but that feels like another blog) but haven't really seen much why I should go there. Again I started with expectations of either a totally awesome or awful experience and have had neither.
I don't really see why but I really do feel God told me to go there, and then I started reading this book. As I have mentioned the whole book is about obeying, even when if not especially when it doesn't make any sense. Lewis challenges the reader with the statement:
"Predestination and freedom are apparently identical."
(Not to go into the Calvinistic ideas of predestination vs free will)
My reaction to acts of simple obedience like this is a feeling of losing freedom. Lewis is saying however that when we follow what the Lord has for us through choosing to obey, then that is where true freedom lies.
That's why He gives us these opportunities, not to control us, but to give an opportunity to grow closer through the act and to walk in deeper freedom.
I don't mean to sound like I have all this figured out, because I sure don't.
God told me to go to church and this morning I didn't because I was scared of the commitment. When I write blogs its me processing what God is teaching me. I never have it figured out, that's why i blog about it. Its teaching myself.
Thanks for reading and processing with me :)
Thursday, July 7, 2011
I Shouldn't Be Surprised When God Answers My Questions (But I always am)
I just finished my first year of teaching.
If you've read my blogs or talked to me in real life then you'll know that this year was both great and tragic.
The year was God constantly challenging me and my definitions of love and ministry.
I was blessed to see Him move, and challenged to just exist in His love and not worry about seeing Him move but having faith He did.
I really do feel lucky at my jobs and everyday thankful I get to do what I do. However, at the end of each day I just came home mentally and emotionally drained. It felt like all of me was being spent at work everyday and when I got home, there was nothing left.
I know that first year teaching is always the hardest but the level of emptiness I was feeling at the end of each day didn't feel right.
Before coming to Cornerstone I sought the Lord with questions of why I was feeling so empty. I had very specific questions I asked and as Cornerstone progressed, each question (word for word at times) was answered.
The first day of the fest I spent just wandering around, overwhelmed by being surrounded by so many Christians. A few months ago the Lord gave me a dream about reconnecting with a church and has been pressuring me ever since to join a church.
This was like 3 months ago and.....I never did anything about it. I wanted to, but also didn't want to at all. I have some distrust for the church that I am working through and while I know God is calling me back into organized church, I didn't want to do it. So I haven't......
Cornerstone however is different and has church much like what I am looking for so I felt safe walking into a service there.
The first service I went to was a spirit-filled group and during the worship God showed me something very cool. In John 4:24 the Bible talks about worshipers who worship in Spirit and in truth. I saw this happening in a vision. I saw the body worshiping, but as people began to enter into spirit worship, I saw their own Spirit manifest and connect with the Holy Spirit. In the vision, people all over the tent were manifesting their spirit, connecting to the Holy Spirit, and the other people, so it was this massive, outer body, supernatural worship through the Holy Spirit.
It was quite possibly the coolest thing I have ever seen. My words don't describe it accurately and I tried drawing both a literal and abstract interpretation of it but it fails in awesomeness as to what I really saw.
I have always felt the difference between worship/singing compared to worshiping in the Spirit (John 4:24- "God is Spirit and those who worship Him must worship in Spirit and truth.') but until now had no visual reference or solid way to explain it.
So that was awesome, being reminded that corporate worship is a supernatural experience and though God meets us when we worship alone, worshiping with a group like that can literally be an out of body experience.
When the speaker began, I had to choke down my immediate expectations of disagreement. (why do I react this way?) He started talking about church and how God is teaching Him to do church not from a place of "we know better then you" but a place of love and humility.
His attitudes and thoughts on the church are very similar to mine, though he was speaking from a place just beyond where I am now.
He gave a fantastic analogy about why we as Christians need to church. He compared the church to the show "Biggest Loser". I have never seen the show, but his metaphor made perfect sense and was something like this:
The show is designed to help severely overweight people not only lose weight, but develop disciplined and healthy lifestyles. When people join the show, they are admitting that they need help, that they essentially cannot do it on their own. The people on the show are there to support and help, and step in with discipline accountability and rules. Though its difficult at first and the rules feel restricting, as they progress, an inner discipline comes out and the rules become a natural part of them. He likened this to Christians and why we need the church. When we get spiritually out of shape we need to turn to the church and admit we need them. (this is a hard part eh?) Like being retrained physically, getting back into church is a discipline that may feel odd and unpleasant at first (maybe thats just me?) but as we get back into God's heart our Spirit is strengthened and we no longer feel restricted but free. The "rules" of the church no longer seem to be annoying but a natural extension of our Spiritual attitude.
To be honest, I have been very out of shape Spiritually. For real. I am admitting it now and seeking a church as the Lord continues to pressure me haha. (which what a sweet friend we have in the Lord, He pressures us to do things not for His benefit but our own)
The second part of my answer came through a word I have heard many times, but apparently not enough. It was about placing our identity in Christ rather then in what we do. How often have I heard this? (oh so many times) Yeeeeeeeet, I had been doing it.....Everyday.
I had been completely placing my identity in my job, which is why I felt like nothing at the end of the day! (that sentence needed an "!" as it is a fresh revelation to me every time I say it) If I put all my worth in my job, then no freakin wonder I felt nothing when I wasn't there because I was no longer doing the thing I let define me. Unlike work or anything or person God is constant and when our identity is in Him, we can NEVER come up empty.
A couple of blogs back I wrote about the Lord returning me the money I lost when my rear windshield was shattered. I thought it was awesome just getting my money back, but the Lord showed another layer of prophetic as I was writing. It was the rear window, and it cost $500 to repair. The Lord was prophetically saying He was using grace (the #5 is Biblically symbolic of grace) to restore hurts from the past. The short version of that word is He is using grace to restore past hurts from the church (I have a lot more on this but I'd rather talk about it in real life) That money was a prophetic sign and also gave me the provisions to go to Cornerstone.
Also I had a vision for what I would like my next tattoo to be. I have been wanting to get a tree tattoo but couldn't visualize how I wanted it to go. In the vision The Lord reminded me that He is the Tree and we are the branches (John 15:5) so I want to get a branch on my back shoulder with something like this:
....That was a lot of words :)
If you've read my blogs or talked to me in real life then you'll know that this year was both great and tragic.
The year was God constantly challenging me and my definitions of love and ministry.
I was blessed to see Him move, and challenged to just exist in His love and not worry about seeing Him move but having faith He did.
I really do feel lucky at my jobs and everyday thankful I get to do what I do. However, at the end of each day I just came home mentally and emotionally drained. It felt like all of me was being spent at work everyday and when I got home, there was nothing left.
I know that first year teaching is always the hardest but the level of emptiness I was feeling at the end of each day didn't feel right.
Before coming to Cornerstone I sought the Lord with questions of why I was feeling so empty. I had very specific questions I asked and as Cornerstone progressed, each question (word for word at times) was answered.
The first day of the fest I spent just wandering around, overwhelmed by being surrounded by so many Christians. A few months ago the Lord gave me a dream about reconnecting with a church and has been pressuring me ever since to join a church.
This was like 3 months ago and.....I never did anything about it. I wanted to, but also didn't want to at all. I have some distrust for the church that I am working through and while I know God is calling me back into organized church, I didn't want to do it. So I haven't......
Cornerstone however is different and has church much like what I am looking for so I felt safe walking into a service there.
The first service I went to was a spirit-filled group and during the worship God showed me something very cool. In John 4:24 the Bible talks about worshipers who worship in Spirit and in truth. I saw this happening in a vision. I saw the body worshiping, but as people began to enter into spirit worship, I saw their own Spirit manifest and connect with the Holy Spirit. In the vision, people all over the tent were manifesting their spirit, connecting to the Holy Spirit, and the other people, so it was this massive, outer body, supernatural worship through the Holy Spirit.
It was quite possibly the coolest thing I have ever seen. My words don't describe it accurately and I tried drawing both a literal and abstract interpretation of it but it fails in awesomeness as to what I really saw.
I have always felt the difference between worship/singing compared to worshiping in the Spirit (John 4:24- "God is Spirit and those who worship Him must worship in Spirit and truth.') but until now had no visual reference or solid way to explain it.
So that was awesome, being reminded that corporate worship is a supernatural experience and though God meets us when we worship alone, worshiping with a group like that can literally be an out of body experience.
When the speaker began, I had to choke down my immediate expectations of disagreement. (why do I react this way?) He started talking about church and how God is teaching Him to do church not from a place of "we know better then you" but a place of love and humility.
His attitudes and thoughts on the church are very similar to mine, though he was speaking from a place just beyond where I am now.
He gave a fantastic analogy about why we as Christians need to church. He compared the church to the show "Biggest Loser". I have never seen the show, but his metaphor made perfect sense and was something like this:
The show is designed to help severely overweight people not only lose weight, but develop disciplined and healthy lifestyles. When people join the show, they are admitting that they need help, that they essentially cannot do it on their own. The people on the show are there to support and help, and step in with discipline accountability and rules. Though its difficult at first and the rules feel restricting, as they progress, an inner discipline comes out and the rules become a natural part of them. He likened this to Christians and why we need the church. When we get spiritually out of shape we need to turn to the church and admit we need them. (this is a hard part eh?) Like being retrained physically, getting back into church is a discipline that may feel odd and unpleasant at first (maybe thats just me?) but as we get back into God's heart our Spirit is strengthened and we no longer feel restricted but free. The "rules" of the church no longer seem to be annoying but a natural extension of our Spiritual attitude.
To be honest, I have been very out of shape Spiritually. For real. I am admitting it now and seeking a church as the Lord continues to pressure me haha. (which what a sweet friend we have in the Lord, He pressures us to do things not for His benefit but our own)
The second part of my answer came through a word I have heard many times, but apparently not enough. It was about placing our identity in Christ rather then in what we do. How often have I heard this? (oh so many times) Yeeeeeeeet, I had been doing it.....Everyday.
I had been completely placing my identity in my job, which is why I felt like nothing at the end of the day! (that sentence needed an "!" as it is a fresh revelation to me every time I say it) If I put all my worth in my job, then no freakin wonder I felt nothing when I wasn't there because I was no longer doing the thing I let define me. Unlike work or anything or person God is constant and when our identity is in Him, we can NEVER come up empty.
A couple of blogs back I wrote about the Lord returning me the money I lost when my rear windshield was shattered. I thought it was awesome just getting my money back, but the Lord showed another layer of prophetic as I was writing. It was the rear window, and it cost $500 to repair. The Lord was prophetically saying He was using grace (the #5 is Biblically symbolic of grace) to restore hurts from the past. The short version of that word is He is using grace to restore past hurts from the church (I have a lot more on this but I'd rather talk about it in real life) That money was a prophetic sign and also gave me the provisions to go to Cornerstone.
Also I had a vision for what I would like my next tattoo to be. I have been wanting to get a tree tattoo but couldn't visualize how I wanted it to go. In the vision The Lord reminded me that He is the Tree and we are the branches (John 15:5) so I want to get a branch on my back shoulder with something like this:
It is two doves (the tattoo will be a solid black silhouette of the birds and branch) symbolizes peace, and how doves mate for life, that we are bonded together with peace in Christ.
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
The Line Between Rational and Irrational Fears Is Occasionally Blurry
Sometimes its hard to separate an irrational fear from a legit fear.
For example whenever I wear my glasses, I suddenly develop this fear that if in sun light too long, my eyeballs will be burned out of my face. This will be caused by my glasses acting as a giant magnifying glass and just like those leaves (I was never an ant burner) I burned holes in as a kid, my glasses will do the same thing to my eyeballs.
Now this is probably an example of an irrational fear and I most likely don't have to worry about it......right?
Other fears though are a little easier to sort out:
Rational Fear:
Clowns
Irrational Fear:
Elijah Wood
Rational:
Snakes
Irrational:
Balloons
And so on.
I was thinking about faith this morning (opposite of fear so it connects!) because I had something cool happen. About two months ago I got invited to a wedding of a dear friend from college. While there for the weekend, another dear friend & I visited Morningstar church. The service was about redemption (which was prophetic to my situation anyway) and the teacher chalenged us to ask the Lord to return to us what the enemy had stolen. Well about a month prior, a branch fell on my rear windshield and shattered it. It ended up costing quite a lot to get it replaced and was payed for with money I had been saving for summer.
In that meeting I felt bold and decided to ask God for that money back, if the earth is His, whats a little money right?
Well this was a couple months ago and I had mostly forgotten it. This morning I recieved my pay check for the month and it was over the normal amount the exact same as the cost of my replaced windeshield.
The Lord completely restored that money to me when I was least expecting it.
I was already feeling overwhelmed by His grace, and turned to my morning reading which was this passage in Psalms:
" I will declare the decree,
The Lord has said to me,
YOU ARE MY SON,
Today I have begotten you,
Ask of Me and I will give you
The Nations for your inheritance
And the ends of the earth for your possession."
Psalms 2:7-9
It was pretty cool :)
For example whenever I wear my glasses, I suddenly develop this fear that if in sun light too long, my eyeballs will be burned out of my face. This will be caused by my glasses acting as a giant magnifying glass and just like those leaves (I was never an ant burner) I burned holes in as a kid, my glasses will do the same thing to my eyeballs.
Now this is probably an example of an irrational fear and I most likely don't have to worry about it......right?
Other fears though are a little easier to sort out:
Rational Fear:
Clowns
Irrational Fear:
Elijah Wood
Rational:
Snakes
Irrational:
Balloons
And so on.
I was thinking about faith this morning (opposite of fear so it connects!) because I had something cool happen. About two months ago I got invited to a wedding of a dear friend from college. While there for the weekend, another dear friend & I visited Morningstar church. The service was about redemption (which was prophetic to my situation anyway) and the teacher chalenged us to ask the Lord to return to us what the enemy had stolen. Well about a month prior, a branch fell on my rear windshield and shattered it. It ended up costing quite a lot to get it replaced and was payed for with money I had been saving for summer.
In that meeting I felt bold and decided to ask God for that money back, if the earth is His, whats a little money right?
Well this was a couple months ago and I had mostly forgotten it. This morning I recieved my pay check for the month and it was over the normal amount the exact same as the cost of my replaced windeshield.
The Lord completely restored that money to me when I was least expecting it.
I was already feeling overwhelmed by His grace, and turned to my morning reading which was this passage in Psalms:
" I will declare the decree,
The Lord has said to me,
YOU ARE MY SON,
Today I have begotten you,
Ask of Me and I will give you
The Nations for your inheritance
And the ends of the earth for your possession."
Psalms 2:7-9
It was pretty cool :)
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Warning This Blog is Rather Sad
I teach at an alternative school.
I don't live in a major city or an area known for violence and tragedy but unfortunately my school has seen both this year.
Two of my high-school students were killed this year.
One student was only in my class for about a week. In that week we talked about the Lord, music, and most of our conversations ended with me warning him about the dangers of drugs.
The last class i saw him he did some art project then painted over it in big letters: "Is there a God".
I asked him why he wrote that and he responded with "because I don't know".
That was our last conversation.
Another student of mine recently was killed. A couple of hours before the tragedy occured she came by my class and introduced me to her baby. I held her baby and wished her luck with her new house and shared in her excitement of a new, calmer life.
She was killed just a couple hours later.
When I graduated I prayed for guidance for where God would have me work. I didn't want to stay in my college town, and asked the Lord for work elsewhere. With the current economic situation art teachers are some of the first to go.
There were no openings. I prayed that the Lord would guide me and if I should stay in my area that He would send me a sure sign, such as a job.
One week later 3 art teaching jobs opened up in my town.
Art jobs opening at all was a complete miracle to begin with, not to mention in my hometown. I don't pretend to be more important then I am and I know that me getting this job was directly the Lord's hand.
So that leaves me with the conclusion that for whatever reason He wanted me to be here for those kids.
While I didn't get to see those kids meet the Lord before they left us, I know The Lord had a plan for me being there. As far as I know I may be the only Christian teacher at the school which is a place that needs Him so much.
One of my other students I have been able to have many conversations with and she has started going to church and seeking which is encouraging to see her finding God.
I know the Lord has me there for a reason and what are the odds that those students were in my class, I being the only Christian in the whole school.
I think my idea of ministry is changing. God wants me there yes for my words and prayers but more then that to just bring His light. Most of these kids don't have access to any Light, and just being there brings God into their lives.
Its one of the hardest things I've done.
I have this 'heart on my sleeve' tattoo but ever since then I have to live what that means. Getting your heart broken for the ones who don't know Him.
I wanted to write this not to make people feel sorry for me or think I'm more then what I am because I'm not. I wanted to remind people that when our heart is open, God ministers through us in ways we don't even know. We are a positive impact on the world around us by just existing. He wouldn't have sent me to that school just to cause me pain, He wanted me there for a reason, and while I may not see it...I know it exists.
I don't live in a major city or an area known for violence and tragedy but unfortunately my school has seen both this year.
Two of my high-school students were killed this year.
One student was only in my class for about a week. In that week we talked about the Lord, music, and most of our conversations ended with me warning him about the dangers of drugs.
The last class i saw him he did some art project then painted over it in big letters: "Is there a God".
I asked him why he wrote that and he responded with "because I don't know".
That was our last conversation.
Another student of mine recently was killed. A couple of hours before the tragedy occured she came by my class and introduced me to her baby. I held her baby and wished her luck with her new house and shared in her excitement of a new, calmer life.
She was killed just a couple hours later.
When I graduated I prayed for guidance for where God would have me work. I didn't want to stay in my college town, and asked the Lord for work elsewhere. With the current economic situation art teachers are some of the first to go.
There were no openings. I prayed that the Lord would guide me and if I should stay in my area that He would send me a sure sign, such as a job.
One week later 3 art teaching jobs opened up in my town.
Art jobs opening at all was a complete miracle to begin with, not to mention in my hometown. I don't pretend to be more important then I am and I know that me getting this job was directly the Lord's hand.
So that leaves me with the conclusion that for whatever reason He wanted me to be here for those kids.
While I didn't get to see those kids meet the Lord before they left us, I know The Lord had a plan for me being there. As far as I know I may be the only Christian teacher at the school which is a place that needs Him so much.
One of my other students I have been able to have many conversations with and she has started going to church and seeking which is encouraging to see her finding God.
I know the Lord has me there for a reason and what are the odds that those students were in my class, I being the only Christian in the whole school.
I think my idea of ministry is changing. God wants me there yes for my words and prayers but more then that to just bring His light. Most of these kids don't have access to any Light, and just being there brings God into their lives.
Its one of the hardest things I've done.
I have this 'heart on my sleeve' tattoo but ever since then I have to live what that means. Getting your heart broken for the ones who don't know Him.
I wanted to write this not to make people feel sorry for me or think I'm more then what I am because I'm not. I wanted to remind people that when our heart is open, God ministers through us in ways we don't even know. We are a positive impact on the world around us by just existing. He wouldn't have sent me to that school just to cause me pain, He wanted me there for a reason, and while I may not see it...I know it exists.
Sunday, April 24, 2011
Oh The Irony.
Ever since I was a kid, I have been a huge fan of Popeye.
I blame my dad.
We would watch the cartoon together, make impressions.
I even have a dear friend who is related to a character from the show.
Robin Williams once did a live action musical where he is Popeye.
It was the first DVD I ever bought.
Popeye was a part of my childhood, and I love it.
Recently though I discovered I have an allergic reaction to spinach.
This is most unfortunate.
For some reason eating spinach in raw or cooked form makes my body react in a most negative and uncomfortable way...puking..
I think its very ironic that a Popeye fan such as myself can't eat the very thing that gave him strength.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy to eat spinach. I am always forgetting my bodies hatred for the leafy green plant of unlimited strength.
However instead of unlimited power, killer fighting moves and speed, I am left with a terrible pain and often puke.
Lame.
I am also allergic to cucumbers but that is not disheartening or such an emotional let down as my reaction to spinach. Maybe in the back of my mind I am secretly hoping spinach will give me all those things it gave Popeye. He was just a pretty ordinary dude (disregarding his rather unshapely upper arms muscles) till he popped a can of spinach then he was unstoppable.
I have recently been thinking about the supernatural and the prophetic. I have been thinking about it because lately I don't feel very active in it.
I was sitting in my room the other night and a big ole horse fly was buzzing around my room.
I hate flies.
HATE.
This one was huge and dared to exist in my room. To me flies symbolize negative thinking and besides being disgusting and annoying, they bite.
So I was fed up with this horrible fly buzzing around so I rebuked it and asked God to kill it (yes I did and don't feel guilty) and went outside.
I was sitting in my driveway watching the stars, feeling maybe I should pray or think spiritual thoughts or do something to feel spiritual.
I didn't though.
Instead I sat and did nothing.
For 45 minutes I sat quietly and did and said nothing.
It was the most "spiritual" I have felt in a long time.
I didn't have to do anything or be anyone or even pray, I was able to connect with God in a very real way.
It was cool. I think He was showing me that we don't have to do or say or be anything with Him, that the supernatural and prophetic flows naturally from Him so when we are still we can tap into that.
When I went back inside, the fly was gone.
No dead fly, lying around, and all the windows and doors were closed. It was gone, the Lord took care of it.
With a slight change of perspective, I can now look back over the past week and see the prophetic and supernatural things the Lord is doing all the time.
Popeye seemed to be created (just like most TV shows but thats another blog) to brainwash and manipulate its viewers into eating healthier by giving kids positive association with spinach.
In a similar way I think the church does that. We have this underlining thought pattern that we have to do or say certain things to see God move.
Maybe Popeye did need his spinach, but I am being challenged by what I have always thought I needed to be what Pappa has already given me.
Though I do wish I could eat spinach and artichoke dip without getting sick because that stuff is so tasty. :)
I blame my dad.
We would watch the cartoon together, make impressions.
I even have a dear friend who is related to a character from the show.
Robin Williams once did a live action musical where he is Popeye.
It was the first DVD I ever bought.
Popeye was a part of my childhood, and I love it.
Recently though I discovered I have an allergic reaction to spinach.
This is most unfortunate.
For some reason eating spinach in raw or cooked form makes my body react in a most negative and uncomfortable way...puking..
I think its very ironic that a Popeye fan such as myself can't eat the very thing that gave him strength.
Don't get me wrong, I enjoy to eat spinach. I am always forgetting my bodies hatred for the leafy green plant of unlimited strength.
However instead of unlimited power, killer fighting moves and speed, I am left with a terrible pain and often puke.
Lame.
I am also allergic to cucumbers but that is not disheartening or such an emotional let down as my reaction to spinach. Maybe in the back of my mind I am secretly hoping spinach will give me all those things it gave Popeye. He was just a pretty ordinary dude (disregarding his rather unshapely upper arms muscles) till he popped a can of spinach then he was unstoppable.
I have recently been thinking about the supernatural and the prophetic. I have been thinking about it because lately I don't feel very active in it.
I was sitting in my room the other night and a big ole horse fly was buzzing around my room.
I hate flies.
HATE.
This one was huge and dared to exist in my room. To me flies symbolize negative thinking and besides being disgusting and annoying, they bite.
So I was fed up with this horrible fly buzzing around so I rebuked it and asked God to kill it (yes I did and don't feel guilty) and went outside.
I was sitting in my driveway watching the stars, feeling maybe I should pray or think spiritual thoughts or do something to feel spiritual.
I didn't though.
Instead I sat and did nothing.
For 45 minutes I sat quietly and did and said nothing.
It was the most "spiritual" I have felt in a long time.
I didn't have to do anything or be anyone or even pray, I was able to connect with God in a very real way.
It was cool. I think He was showing me that we don't have to do or say or be anything with Him, that the supernatural and prophetic flows naturally from Him so when we are still we can tap into that.
When I went back inside, the fly was gone.
No dead fly, lying around, and all the windows and doors were closed. It was gone, the Lord took care of it.
With a slight change of perspective, I can now look back over the past week and see the prophetic and supernatural things the Lord is doing all the time.
Popeye seemed to be created (just like most TV shows but thats another blog) to brainwash and manipulate its viewers into eating healthier by giving kids positive association with spinach.
In a similar way I think the church does that. We have this underlining thought pattern that we have to do or say certain things to see God move.
Maybe Popeye did need his spinach, but I am being challenged by what I have always thought I needed to be what Pappa has already given me.
Though I do wish I could eat spinach and artichoke dip without getting sick because that stuff is so tasty. :)
Saturday, March 26, 2011
I Always Over-Estimate My Ability to See Through a Frozen Windshield
Every time it frosts, I have this problem of not wanting to scape my windshield. If it's icey, then I'll bother, (for awhile I was using a CD) but frost seems less serious somehow and feels like a waste of time.
So I don't scape my windshield thinking oh its just frost....I can see well enough to drive....
This is false.
Ice is ice and half way up my driveway I realize that I can't in fact see anything at all.
Then I reach the top of the driveway and by then the de-frost has melted about a 2 inch square near the bottom.
This is what I use to see out of my icer then I thought frosted window.
For some reason when I look at a frosted windshield, I get this false sense of super powers, that even though while sitting still, I can see nothing, perhaps once the car is on and moving then my blindness will suddenly turn to X-ray vision and the windshield will pose no problem what so ever.
This is an unfortunate conclusion.
Despite my delusion, I still can't see through an icey windshield.
Someone once said the definition of insane is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.
Well then, that makes just about every human insane.
No matter how many times I try to drive looking through something icey, and know it won't work, I do the same thing next time.
Insane?
Maybe.
But I think that sometimes this desire to have something unexpected happen can be good. When I was child (ok sometimes still now) every wardrobe I knew would lead to Narinia and I was honestly surprised when it didn't.
Now that doesn't sound insane to me.
I recently got a new tattoo. It's a human heart taken from an old medical diagram.
Its on my upper arm so I often get asked if I wear my heart on my sleeve.
The human heart is a complicated and rather gross looking organ. Society has simplified the human heart into the simple cartoony shape most people associate hearts with.
The actual heart has pumps, and phalanges, and valves and veins.
Human love is more like the simple heart.
Looks nice.
Can be simple.
God's love though is more like the organ with phalanges.
When we love God through God, and people through God it may not always look pretty.
Or simple.
Love is complicated and messy.
It can hurt.
But as humans we are called to love with this real God love.
I don't always do this. I got the tattoo as a reminder that we were made to love and be loved.
I used to wonder why people would get their own name tattooed on themselves. I mean maybe it would be convenient if you ever happened to get amnesia but thats not very likely.
(Besides if Jason Bourne did that then those movies wouldn't be nearly as awesome.)
This morning though I think I get it. When you tattoo something on yourself, sometimes it for other people, but most of the time its for yourself. A reminder. A name is more then a title, it can be your identity and people may need a visual reminder of who they are.
Mine is a reminder that though its not always my first reaction, unconditional love is our calling, our challenge.
Our job.
And unlike my frosted window, we never know what the outcome may be.
:)
I have been listening to Mumford & Sons and the following song is beautiful and talks about love being our purpose:
http://listen.grooveshark.com/#/s/Sigh+No+More/2Ca3LJ?src=5
Serve God, love me and mend
This is not the end
Lived unbruised, we are friends
And I'm sorry
I'm sorry
Sigh no more, no more
One foot in sea and one on shore
My heart was never pure
And you know me
You know me
But man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing
Love it will not betray you
Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be
There is a design, an alignment, a cry
Of my heart to see,
The beauty of love as it was made to be
So I don't scape my windshield thinking oh its just frost....I can see well enough to drive....
This is false.
Ice is ice and half way up my driveway I realize that I can't in fact see anything at all.
Then I reach the top of the driveway and by then the de-frost has melted about a 2 inch square near the bottom.
This is what I use to see out of my icer then I thought frosted window.
For some reason when I look at a frosted windshield, I get this false sense of super powers, that even though while sitting still, I can see nothing, perhaps once the car is on and moving then my blindness will suddenly turn to X-ray vision and the windshield will pose no problem what so ever.
This is an unfortunate conclusion.
Despite my delusion, I still can't see through an icey windshield.
Someone once said the definition of insane is doing the same thing over and over expecting different results.
Well then, that makes just about every human insane.
No matter how many times I try to drive looking through something icey, and know it won't work, I do the same thing next time.
Insane?
Maybe.
But I think that sometimes this desire to have something unexpected happen can be good. When I was child (ok sometimes still now) every wardrobe I knew would lead to Narinia and I was honestly surprised when it didn't.
Now that doesn't sound insane to me.
I recently got a new tattoo. It's a human heart taken from an old medical diagram.
Its on my upper arm so I often get asked if I wear my heart on my sleeve.
The human heart is a complicated and rather gross looking organ. Society has simplified the human heart into the simple cartoony shape most people associate hearts with.
The actual heart has pumps, and phalanges, and valves and veins.
Human love is more like the simple heart.
Looks nice.
Can be simple.
God's love though is more like the organ with phalanges.
When we love God through God, and people through God it may not always look pretty.
Or simple.
Love is complicated and messy.
It can hurt.
But as humans we are called to love with this real God love.
I don't always do this. I got the tattoo as a reminder that we were made to love and be loved.
I used to wonder why people would get their own name tattooed on themselves. I mean maybe it would be convenient if you ever happened to get amnesia but thats not very likely.
(Besides if Jason Bourne did that then those movies wouldn't be nearly as awesome.)
This morning though I think I get it. When you tattoo something on yourself, sometimes it for other people, but most of the time its for yourself. A reminder. A name is more then a title, it can be your identity and people may need a visual reminder of who they are.
Mine is a reminder that though its not always my first reaction, unconditional love is our calling, our challenge.
Our job.
And unlike my frosted window, we never know what the outcome may be.
:)
I have been listening to Mumford & Sons and the following song is beautiful and talks about love being our purpose:
http://listen.grooveshark.com/#/s/Sigh+No+More/2Ca3LJ?src=5
Serve God, love me and mend
This is not the end
Lived unbruised, we are friends
And I'm sorry
I'm sorry
Sigh no more, no more
One foot in sea and one on shore
My heart was never pure
And you know me
You know me
But man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing
Oh man is a giddy thing
Love it will not betray you
Dismay or enslave you, it will set you free
Be more like the man you were made to be
There is a design, an alignment, a cry
Of my heart to see,
The beauty of love as it was made to be
Sunday, February 27, 2011
If You Are Ever in a Restaurant in Costa Rica, Don't Ask for the Fish
When I was 18, I decided to go to Ministry School for a year. This was a great/hard year of getting to know God in a deeper way, overcoming fear, and listening.
While there I had many exciting miracles happen and prophecies made then are being fulfilled now.
In the spring semester, we had a 3 day course on "life planning". I had to sit down at 18 and make a 2 year and 5 year life plan. At that time college was not in my plans, so I wrote stuff like "travel to Scotland & Ireland (which I have done!) and just some random, vague goals. As I was praying though I felt the Lord say to put down as a goal: "help establish a prophetic ministry where there was previously none." Not really knowing why He said this I wrote it down.
About 3 months later, a mission trip opportunity was presented to our class. The trip was to Costa Rica and cost around $2000. I had always wanted to go there but couldn't afford it so I remained uninterested until they gave the trip description: "help establish a prophetic ministry where there was previously none." It was word for word to what the Lord had seemingly randomly given me months before.
Seeing that is must be something I was supposed to do, I signed up and started raising money to go. Unfortunately being that I hadn't worked in several months and have practically no distant relatives, (I always wanted to have some rich distant relative) I was only able to raise about half the needed funds.
This was disheartening as I had a clear word that I was supposed to go. I went to the leader of the trip and told them about my sad amount of funds. The trip was almost 3 weeks, the first half being working within a local church and doing/organizing prophetic ministry, and the second half being a touristy/mini vacation in Costa Rica. They told me since I had half the funds, I could go for half the trip.
I had mixed emotions.
After all God didn't say anything about a vacation, His word to me was only about the ministry.
So I agreed to go for half the trip.
When we got there we were daily involved in prophetic ministry, leading teams, teaching, praying and ministry to these precious people. I learned a lot about the prophetic, and was able to see the Lord minister through words of encouragement and knowledge.
It was a great experience. When it was time to go, (and by time to go I mean it was time for me to go back to snowy school while everyone else went adventuring in the Costa Rican landscapes) the leaders of the trip pleasantly informed me that they had decided to pay the rest of my trip so I could stay and go adventuring with them. (they didn't use the words "adventuring with them" but it was implied)
That part was also awesome. Our hotel was at the base of an active volcano and we could see the lava at night. We went on hikes through the rain forest, seeing sloths and monkeys. (Seeing monkeys was not a positive experience as I am terrified of them)
One day we were going up through the rain forest to "prayer mountain" and I felt water and commented that it must be raining. Our translator responded with
"Oh its not raining. Those just just the crickets in the trees above us."
Confused, I asked
"Why are the crickets spitting on us?"
With an amused twinkle in his eye he replied
"Oh thats not spit."
Also, the food in Costa Rica (with the exception of the whole fried fish, complete with eyeballs someone tried to get me to eat which I traded in for a plate of mashed potatoes) was the best food I have ever had in my whole life. (sorry mom) I think they put crack or something in that food because I seriously had withdrawals from its goodness.
That is to say it was a great trip.
When I was going back though I felt a bit guilty, since not only did I get to escape the cold snowy winter for tropical wonderfulness, but I was in a tough financial place and had tuition to pay. I had gone on a trip I couldn't afford, and now had more immediate expenses to deal with.
A cool thing about God, He pretty much rules everything. When I got back, I found out that someone had paid my tuition for that semester in full.
So kind of like the loaves and fishes story, I had more at the end of my trip then when I started.
While there I had many exciting miracles happen and prophecies made then are being fulfilled now.
In the spring semester, we had a 3 day course on "life planning". I had to sit down at 18 and make a 2 year and 5 year life plan. At that time college was not in my plans, so I wrote stuff like "travel to Scotland & Ireland (which I have done!) and just some random, vague goals. As I was praying though I felt the Lord say to put down as a goal: "help establish a prophetic ministry where there was previously none." Not really knowing why He said this I wrote it down.
About 3 months later, a mission trip opportunity was presented to our class. The trip was to Costa Rica and cost around $2000. I had always wanted to go there but couldn't afford it so I remained uninterested until they gave the trip description: "help establish a prophetic ministry where there was previously none." It was word for word to what the Lord had seemingly randomly given me months before.
Seeing that is must be something I was supposed to do, I signed up and started raising money to go. Unfortunately being that I hadn't worked in several months and have practically no distant relatives, (I always wanted to have some rich distant relative) I was only able to raise about half the needed funds.
This was disheartening as I had a clear word that I was supposed to go. I went to the leader of the trip and told them about my sad amount of funds. The trip was almost 3 weeks, the first half being working within a local church and doing/organizing prophetic ministry, and the second half being a touristy/mini vacation in Costa Rica. They told me since I had half the funds, I could go for half the trip.
I had mixed emotions.
After all God didn't say anything about a vacation, His word to me was only about the ministry.
So I agreed to go for half the trip.
When we got there we were daily involved in prophetic ministry, leading teams, teaching, praying and ministry to these precious people. I learned a lot about the prophetic, and was able to see the Lord minister through words of encouragement and knowledge.
It was a great experience. When it was time to go, (and by time to go I mean it was time for me to go back to snowy school while everyone else went adventuring in the Costa Rican landscapes) the leaders of the trip pleasantly informed me that they had decided to pay the rest of my trip so I could stay and go adventuring with them. (they didn't use the words "adventuring with them" but it was implied)
That part was also awesome. Our hotel was at the base of an active volcano and we could see the lava at night. We went on hikes through the rain forest, seeing sloths and monkeys. (Seeing monkeys was not a positive experience as I am terrified of them)
One day we were going up through the rain forest to "prayer mountain" and I felt water and commented that it must be raining. Our translator responded with
"Oh its not raining. Those just just the crickets in the trees above us."
Confused, I asked
"Why are the crickets spitting on us?"
With an amused twinkle in his eye he replied
"Oh thats not spit."
Also, the food in Costa Rica (with the exception of the whole fried fish, complete with eyeballs someone tried to get me to eat which I traded in for a plate of mashed potatoes) was the best food I have ever had in my whole life. (sorry mom) I think they put crack or something in that food because I seriously had withdrawals from its goodness.
That is to say it was a great trip.
When I was going back though I felt a bit guilty, since not only did I get to escape the cold snowy winter for tropical wonderfulness, but I was in a tough financial place and had tuition to pay. I had gone on a trip I couldn't afford, and now had more immediate expenses to deal with.
A cool thing about God, He pretty much rules everything. When I got back, I found out that someone had paid my tuition for that semester in full.
So kind of like the loaves and fishes story, I had more at the end of my trip then when I started.
 |
| *Disclaimer: I did not take any of these pictures. I was stressed out by cameras at this point of my life and had to steal photos from other people. |
 |
| This is where we stayed |
 |
| This was our group on Prayer Mountain |
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| This is the church where we ministered. See me? I am near the steps. This church also had a Christian TV show on which we were all guests. I had a copy of the show for a while but lost it... |
Wednesday, February 23, 2011
I Hate the Decisions I Make In Dreams.
Do you ever wake up from a dream mad or embarrassed at yourself for a choice you made in your dream?
It's awkward because I think I would never do that but then I start thinking about the sub-conscious and then maybe some secret part of me would do that........but no I'm pretty most of the things I do in dreams I would never do in real life.
And it's never awesome things I do in the dreams, it's always something lame, stupid or embarrassing.
Also people in my dreams make decisions in that I disprove of and I have to remind myself not to be mad at them in real life. (There was a great Flight of the Conchords episode where Bret has to apologize to Jemaine and Mel for his wrong actions in her dream)
The other night I had a dream...
* Toothpaste For Dinner comic
I am not going to relay the whole dream, but essentially it was about our spiritual family.
A few years ago I had a traumatic and hurtful experience with part of the church. To make a very long story short, I had some disagreements and they disagreed with me disagreeing. It ended badly with me along with others getting hurt and rejected. Since then my involvement in the "organized church" has been limited and my communication with that particular group non-existent.
In my dream, I was with that group again. I was at one of their meetings, and it was awful. They were being un- Biblical, controlling, manipulative, and hurt and embarrassed the children (my students) who were there. Once I stopped them from hurting my kids and the meeting ended, I was furious at them for what they had done. They had hurt my students, and were not following the Spirit.
The dream continued and when everyone left, I was going to have harsh words with the leader, when I noticed how trashed the place was. At first I started helping clean because I didn't want them to think I made the mess, but then I felt sorry for them that they were taken advantage of in that way so I stayed and helped clean what was a completely trashed house.
Since I never would have done that in real life (I don't even like cleaning up after people I like) I knew it was worth paying attention to.
Ok.
Christians are the Body of Christ, His bride.
We are all a part of this body, a common kin-ship and bond.
Brothers and Sisters in Christ, that makes us family.
Soooo that means even the not so favorite members are still family.
Real family relationships can be tricky at times. We can get hurt or offended by them or hurt or offend them, but that doesn't change the way we feel for them. My family needs something, I drop everything to help. Even if we are mad at each other, there is a bond in families that goes beyond emotions.
In my dream the Lord was reminding me that this is how our relationship with our Spiritual family is supposed to be.
When He told me this I was driving to work and I responded out loud with: "DAMN!"
I have not been acknowledging part of my family, essentially because I don't trust them and they hurt my feelings (errr and pride).
In the dream, I was reminded that we don't have to agree, and we don't have to be best friends, but every Christian is our family. We are on the same side. (even though it doesn't feel that way sometimes)
They have all these show on TV nowadays about people finding lost family members. They are very touching, and its amazing how people who have never met, instantly connect when they meet because they are family.
It makes me disheartened that our Spiritual family doesn't operate like this all the time. Sometimes it does and those friendships are beautiful. Think about the millions of Believers all over the world, and how powerful and great it would be to meet them all, being joined with our family we never met.
The show also has people who through life hardships or disagreements, have lost touch with their family. Hurt and pride keep people away from each for years and years, until someone releases their pride and makes contact.
I said damn because I have not been open and kind to all the Christians I know and God totally called me on it. I also was mad because I know it's right and I don't really want to, or know how.
I just know for the first time in a long time, my heart towards the general Body of Christ is much more open and I desire to be re-united with those who have been disjointed through hurts.
I have talked with several other people who are feeling this draw back into the Body and desire for that is returning I think to Believers.
Which is exciting and hard at the same time....
It's awkward because I think I would never do that but then I start thinking about the sub-conscious and then maybe some secret part of me would do that........but no I'm pretty most of the things I do in dreams I would never do in real life.
And it's never awesome things I do in the dreams, it's always something lame, stupid or embarrassing.
Also people in my dreams make decisions in that I disprove of and I have to remind myself not to be mad at them in real life. (There was a great Flight of the Conchords episode where Bret has to apologize to Jemaine and Mel for his wrong actions in her dream)
The other night I had a dream...
* Toothpaste For Dinner comic
I am not going to relay the whole dream, but essentially it was about our spiritual family.
A few years ago I had a traumatic and hurtful experience with part of the church. To make a very long story short, I had some disagreements and they disagreed with me disagreeing. It ended badly with me along with others getting hurt and rejected. Since then my involvement in the "organized church" has been limited and my communication with that particular group non-existent.
In my dream, I was with that group again. I was at one of their meetings, and it was awful. They were being un- Biblical, controlling, manipulative, and hurt and embarrassed the children (my students) who were there. Once I stopped them from hurting my kids and the meeting ended, I was furious at them for what they had done. They had hurt my students, and were not following the Spirit.
The dream continued and when everyone left, I was going to have harsh words with the leader, when I noticed how trashed the place was. At first I started helping clean because I didn't want them to think I made the mess, but then I felt sorry for them that they were taken advantage of in that way so I stayed and helped clean what was a completely trashed house.
Since I never would have done that in real life (I don't even like cleaning up after people I like) I knew it was worth paying attention to.
Ok.
Christians are the Body of Christ, His bride.
We are all a part of this body, a common kin-ship and bond.
Brothers and Sisters in Christ, that makes us family.
Soooo that means even the not so favorite members are still family.
Real family relationships can be tricky at times. We can get hurt or offended by them or hurt or offend them, but that doesn't change the way we feel for them. My family needs something, I drop everything to help. Even if we are mad at each other, there is a bond in families that goes beyond emotions.
In my dream the Lord was reminding me that this is how our relationship with our Spiritual family is supposed to be.
When He told me this I was driving to work and I responded out loud with: "DAMN!"
I have not been acknowledging part of my family, essentially because I don't trust them and they hurt my feelings (errr and pride).
In the dream, I was reminded that we don't have to agree, and we don't have to be best friends, but every Christian is our family. We are on the same side. (even though it doesn't feel that way sometimes)
They have all these show on TV nowadays about people finding lost family members. They are very touching, and its amazing how people who have never met, instantly connect when they meet because they are family.
It makes me disheartened that our Spiritual family doesn't operate like this all the time. Sometimes it does and those friendships are beautiful. Think about the millions of Believers all over the world, and how powerful and great it would be to meet them all, being joined with our family we never met.
The show also has people who through life hardships or disagreements, have lost touch with their family. Hurt and pride keep people away from each for years and years, until someone releases their pride and makes contact.
I said damn because I have not been open and kind to all the Christians I know and God totally called me on it. I also was mad because I know it's right and I don't really want to, or know how.
I just know for the first time in a long time, my heart towards the general Body of Christ is much more open and I desire to be re-united with those who have been disjointed through hurts.
I have talked with several other people who are feeling this draw back into the Body and desire for that is returning I think to Believers.
Which is exciting and hard at the same time....
Sunday, February 6, 2011
I Have Several Theories About Life and It Always Surprises Me When Other People Don't Adhere To Them
One theory that always gets me into trouble is my secret belief that people aren't offended by the truth, therefor if I state something that is a fact, then nobody should be offended.
This almost never works out.
Sometimes people are more offended by truth then anything else.
I have another theory about teaching that is opposite from all the things learn whilst in school to become teachers. They teach that you shouldn't try to be friends with your students, that you have to go in swinging your authority around like some great flaming sword.
I don't really go for this. I more agree with Michael Scott:
"Would I rather have people fear me or love me? Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me." -The Office
My theory about teaching kids is first to establish relationships. Real back and forth relationships. This doesn't mean I have them over for coffee and swap secrets. No I still keep a solid teacher/student boundary, but I do show them I care for them. I believe that by earning their friendship first, I can receive some respect, and then behavior is good because they want to be good. Rather then being afraid to be good.
I think to a degree our relationship with the Lord resembles this. Our house bible study has been 1 John which as my sister says "punches you in the face". There is a lot about fearing God and obeying God in those chapters. I think though God would rather us obey Him out of love rather then fear, though still keeping a healthy mindset of who He is.
Just like what I try to do with my students.
So far it has mostly worked. There are a few students who need that flaming sword of authority and then comes the respect. Most students though respond very well and we have had some interesting discussions:
-student in topic of drugs- "A little bit of brain damage is ok."
me- "My life is like a sit-com."
student- "My life is like a lame sit-com where everyone is pissy all the time."
student- "My life is like Pirates of the Caribbean, I am trying to get something but people keep taking it away and chasing me."
me- "This style of painting is called cubism."
student makes horrified face- "There is a style of painting called pubism??!! They paint about puberty??!!"
student- "This is our earth worm family.' (shows me drawing)
me- "This worm looks sad, why is he sad?"
student- "Because he is an idiot."
Another theory I have is about shooting stars. I believe if you pick a spot in the sky, and stare in that spot long enough, you will see a shooting star. One of my favorite times from my days in Scotland was when my buddies and I went star gazing. We were on a small Island in the Highlands, it was below freezing out, and we were in somebodies driveway. I insisted though that we stay outside until each person had seen at least one shooting star. I think I saw like 3 that night, and some people saw one for the first time in their life that night.
It was my favorite time in Scotland.
My theory has proven true each time. The trick is to stay focused and wait. If you look around too much at the whole sky, then you will get distracted and miss them each time. You have to choose your spot and be dedicated and focused in on that area, while still paying attention for shooting stars.
I think it's kind of like life, as far as what the Lord seems to be teaching me this year. Focus in on what you have right now, the day to day is like focusing on your piece of the sky. Now we shouldn't forget there is a huge world around us, or forget to look out for God as He moves or wants us to move. If we listen God is speaking always, and just like a shooting star if we focus and wait we can hear Him.
This almost never works out.
Sometimes people are more offended by truth then anything else.
I have another theory about teaching that is opposite from all the things learn whilst in school to become teachers. They teach that you shouldn't try to be friends with your students, that you have to go in swinging your authority around like some great flaming sword.
I don't really go for this. I more agree with Michael Scott:
"Would I rather have people fear me or love me? Easy, both. I want people to be afraid of how much they love me." -The Office
My theory about teaching kids is first to establish relationships. Real back and forth relationships. This doesn't mean I have them over for coffee and swap secrets. No I still keep a solid teacher/student boundary, but I do show them I care for them. I believe that by earning their friendship first, I can receive some respect, and then behavior is good because they want to be good. Rather then being afraid to be good.
I think to a degree our relationship with the Lord resembles this. Our house bible study has been 1 John which as my sister says "punches you in the face". There is a lot about fearing God and obeying God in those chapters. I think though God would rather us obey Him out of love rather then fear, though still keeping a healthy mindset of who He is.
Just like what I try to do with my students.
So far it has mostly worked. There are a few students who need that flaming sword of authority and then comes the respect. Most students though respond very well and we have had some interesting discussions:
-student in topic of drugs- "A little bit of brain damage is ok."
me- "My life is like a sit-com."
student- "My life is like a lame sit-com where everyone is pissy all the time."
student- "My life is like Pirates of the Caribbean, I am trying to get something but people keep taking it away and chasing me."
me- "This style of painting is called cubism."
student makes horrified face- "There is a style of painting called pubism??!! They paint about puberty??!!"
student- "This is our earth worm family.' (shows me drawing)
me- "This worm looks sad, why is he sad?"
student- "Because he is an idiot."
Another theory I have is about shooting stars. I believe if you pick a spot in the sky, and stare in that spot long enough, you will see a shooting star. One of my favorite times from my days in Scotland was when my buddies and I went star gazing. We were on a small Island in the Highlands, it was below freezing out, and we were in somebodies driveway. I insisted though that we stay outside until each person had seen at least one shooting star. I think I saw like 3 that night, and some people saw one for the first time in their life that night.
It was my favorite time in Scotland.
My theory has proven true each time. The trick is to stay focused and wait. If you look around too much at the whole sky, then you will get distracted and miss them each time. You have to choose your spot and be dedicated and focused in on that area, while still paying attention for shooting stars.
I think it's kind of like life, as far as what the Lord seems to be teaching me this year. Focus in on what you have right now, the day to day is like focusing on your piece of the sky. Now we shouldn't forget there is a huge world around us, or forget to look out for God as He moves or wants us to move. If we listen God is speaking always, and just like a shooting star if we focus and wait we can hear Him.
Monday, January 31, 2011
The Obvious Things Are Always the Hardest to Find
My family and I would go hiking or adventuring a lot. As we would be tromping through the woods, my mom would always see hearts in nature. Heart shaped rocks, shadows, branches you name it.
It got a little annoying after awhile because I never would see them. She would point them out and I would usually pretend I could see a heart in that crumpled leaf, but only like half the time did I actually see anything.
She likened to seeing God's heart for us in the natural world around us.
Which made not seeing them even more depressing.
When I went to Scotland, I told my buddies about this and then they started seeing hearts everywhere. I still wouldn't see them!
It was annoying.
Sometimes in our spiritual walk we have times of feeling far from God.
It seems harder to see Him.
I know He hasn't gone anywhere, it just doesn't seem as easy to locate Him at times as others.
I have been coming out of one of those phases and listening obsessively to Gogol Bordello and Alexi Murdoch.
There is an Alexi Murdoch song that I think sums up how our walk with God goes sometimes:
Well I have been searching
All of my days
Many a road, you know
I've been walking on
All of my days
And I've been trying to find
What's been in my mind
As the days keep turning into night
Well I have been quietly standing in the shade
All of my days
Watch the sky breaking on the promise that we made
All of this rain
And I've been trying to find
What's been in my mind
As the days keep turning into night
Well many a night I found myself with no friends standing near
All of my days
I cried aloud
I shook my hands
What am I doing here
All of these days
For I look around me
And my eyes confound me
And it's just too bright
As the days keep turning into night
Now I see clearly
It's you I'm looking for
All of my days
So I'll smile
I know I'll feel this loneliness no more
All of my days
For I look around me
And it seems you found me
And it's coming into sight
As the days keep turning into night
As the days keep turning into night
And even breathing feels all right
Yes, even breathing feels all right
Now even breathing feels all right
Yes even breathing
Feels all right
The last part I love, "for I look around me, and it seems You found me"
I am starting to see hearts :)
It got a little annoying after awhile because I never would see them. She would point them out and I would usually pretend I could see a heart in that crumpled leaf, but only like half the time did I actually see anything.
She likened to seeing God's heart for us in the natural world around us.
Which made not seeing them even more depressing.
When I went to Scotland, I told my buddies about this and then they started seeing hearts everywhere. I still wouldn't see them!
It was annoying.
Sometimes in our spiritual walk we have times of feeling far from God.
It seems harder to see Him.
I know He hasn't gone anywhere, it just doesn't seem as easy to locate Him at times as others.
I have been coming out of one of those phases and listening obsessively to Gogol Bordello and Alexi Murdoch.
There is an Alexi Murdoch song that I think sums up how our walk with God goes sometimes:
Well I have been searching
All of my days
Many a road, you know
I've been walking on
All of my days
And I've been trying to find
What's been in my mind
As the days keep turning into night
Well I have been quietly standing in the shade
All of my days
Watch the sky breaking on the promise that we made
All of this rain
And I've been trying to find
What's been in my mind
As the days keep turning into night
Well many a night I found myself with no friends standing near
All of my days
I cried aloud
I shook my hands
What am I doing here
All of these days
For I look around me
And my eyes confound me
And it's just too bright
As the days keep turning into night
Now I see clearly
It's you I'm looking for
All of my days
So I'll smile
I know I'll feel this loneliness no more
All of my days
For I look around me
And it seems you found me
And it's coming into sight
As the days keep turning into night
As the days keep turning into night
And even breathing feels all right
Yes, even breathing feels all right
Now even breathing feels all right
Yes even breathing
Feels all right
The last part I love, "for I look around me, and it seems You found me"
I am starting to see hearts :)
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
I'm Glad Real Life is Not like a Choose Your Own Adventure Book, Because I Always Died Right Away
Man, as a kid I loved the Choose Your Own Adventure books. I had about 20 different ones about all kinds of things from cavemen to aliens. The problem however was that I would treat each decision as a real life situation and would decide based on what I would actually do if I was really in that situation. This always proved to end badly and with me dying some horrible unsuccessful death.
I recently found a Choose Your Own Adventure at a thrift store and was excited to try my luck as an adult:
The problem is, I had the same hangup as an adult, and made my choices based on what real life me would do. After a few decisions I found myself shrunk and in the clutches of an ant colony. Not knowing if they are evil or not I am asked if I want to fight or go with them to see the ant hill. My reasoning was that I didn't know if they meant me harm or not and not being a fan of violence, I choose to go with the ants.
This choice ended with me being eaten by the ants.
When I was growing up, the general theme in the Non-Denominational church was that our spiritual life was kind of like a choose your adventure book. You were taught that this ultimate purpose or "destiny" existed beyond you, and if you made the right choices along in life then you could achieve this destiny.
The problem in this thinking is that it puts the idea of control into our hands, rather then where it should, in God's hands.
It's also a very stressful way to live, always thinking you will miss your destiny, or get captured by ants. (maybe that last part is just related to the book)
Thinking that one wrong call could screw up all God's plans for you and your life. Even though as a kid if I made a choice that led to instant death, then I would pretend I didn't choose that and go back choose the other option....which would also on occasion led to instant death.
(This is also is just about the book)
Luckily though life doesn't work like this. I believe God has a master plan for our life, and that our choices do affect it in a way, but not as dramatically as I previously thought.
This is mostly because I had been giving myself too much credit when in all reality God directs our path and if our heart is in the right place, have very little to do with it.
When I was younger I had what I called "alternative life plans". These were in case my main life plan fell through, or I changed my mind.
I am currently in life plan # 6.
Like I have said before, I never planned on being an art teacher, I never even liked art very much. I made some choices in life that didn't bring me any closer to this career, but since God knows me better then I know myself, those choices in a long way around type of way brought me on the path I am currently trotting.
And I FREAKIN" love it. Teaching art is one the most fun things I have ever done. I have discovered photography through this and love it too, and it has become my favorite thing.
Thank the Lord He was guiding my steps, and my own choices didn't affect as much as I thought and I didn't in real life end up as a meal for mutants ants.
I really do love my jobs. I teach art at an alternative school and its K-12 and I am an art tutor at an after-school program for grades 5-8.
I have a 5th grader in after-school who was always standing way too close to me. So one day inspired by Natalie Dee:
I told him he was too close, and was invaded my personal space bubble.
Now instead of standing too close, he stands at arms distance and air pokes me saying "pop". Left uncorrected he can go on for hours. Hours. So now when I see him coming, I tell him "NO".
So he drew this picture for me:
I said sure.
This was the result:
Why I also have a pilgrims hat and a mustache I'll never know......
........But it's awesome :D
I recently found a Choose Your Own Adventure at a thrift store and was excited to try my luck as an adult:
The problem is, I had the same hangup as an adult, and made my choices based on what real life me would do. After a few decisions I found myself shrunk and in the clutches of an ant colony. Not knowing if they are evil or not I am asked if I want to fight or go with them to see the ant hill. My reasoning was that I didn't know if they meant me harm or not and not being a fan of violence, I choose to go with the ants.This choice ended with me being eaten by the ants.
When I was growing up, the general theme in the Non-Denominational church was that our spiritual life was kind of like a choose your adventure book. You were taught that this ultimate purpose or "destiny" existed beyond you, and if you made the right choices along in life then you could achieve this destiny.
The problem in this thinking is that it puts the idea of control into our hands, rather then where it should, in God's hands.
It's also a very stressful way to live, always thinking you will miss your destiny, or get captured by ants. (maybe that last part is just related to the book)
Thinking that one wrong call could screw up all God's plans for you and your life. Even though as a kid if I made a choice that led to instant death, then I would pretend I didn't choose that and go back choose the other option....which would also on occasion led to instant death.
(This is also is just about the book)
Luckily though life doesn't work like this. I believe God has a master plan for our life, and that our choices do affect it in a way, but not as dramatically as I previously thought.
This is mostly because I had been giving myself too much credit when in all reality God directs our path and if our heart is in the right place, have very little to do with it.
When I was younger I had what I called "alternative life plans". These were in case my main life plan fell through, or I changed my mind.
I am currently in life plan # 6.
Like I have said before, I never planned on being an art teacher, I never even liked art very much. I made some choices in life that didn't bring me any closer to this career, but since God knows me better then I know myself, those choices in a long way around type of way brought me on the path I am currently trotting.
And I FREAKIN" love it. Teaching art is one the most fun things I have ever done. I have discovered photography through this and love it too, and it has become my favorite thing.
Thank the Lord He was guiding my steps, and my own choices didn't affect as much as I thought and I didn't in real life end up as a meal for mutants ants.
I really do love my jobs. I teach art at an alternative school and its K-12 and I am an art tutor at an after-school program for grades 5-8.
I have a 5th grader in after-school who was always standing way too close to me. So one day inspired by Natalie Dee:
I told him he was too close, and was invaded my personal space bubble.Now instead of standing too close, he stands at arms distance and air pokes me saying "pop". Left uncorrected he can go on for hours. Hours. So now when I see him coming, I tell him "NO".
So he drew this picture for me:
This is me saying no and my bubble of personal space being popped.
Another after-school student asked me once if he could draw his "artistic interpretation of me as an octopus".I said sure.
This was the result:
Why I also have a pilgrims hat and a mustache I'll never know......
........But it's awesome :D
Sunday, January 23, 2011
Shallow is Only Only Fun When It's a Puddle You Can Splash In
Shallow people are not much fun.
I don't much enjoy being judged for how I look.
Well.. sometimes I do I guess if the person arrives at a positive conclusion.
Most of the time I just think its funny the assumptions or reactions people can have to me solely based on what I look like.
When I was in college, I was in this art class with several sorority girls. We were not friends. They didn't talk to me at all, which was fine because I was sitting with the funniest people in the class. For the last several years I have had the same general hair style:
She agreed to me experiment. So one night I dressed up in full hippy gear, hand made skirt, peace signs, braids, vest, it was very believable. My friend choose to go the prepster look, and even tied a sweater around her neck. It was awesome, we looked very un-punk. We walk in, and everyone turns and looks at us. Ok. That was expected. What was not expected was the sudden change of atmosphere, people getting up and leaving and the server refusing to make eye contact. We ordered food and beers, and the waitress brought it over and just pushed it towards us, and wouldn't look at us or talk. The only person who talked to us was this drunk old rock star that has apparently toured with Areosmith.
I don't much enjoy being judged for how I look.
Well.. sometimes I do I guess if the person arrives at a positive conclusion.
Most of the time I just think its funny the assumptions or reactions people can have to me solely based on what I look like.
When I was in college, I was in this art class with several sorority girls. We were not friends. They didn't talk to me at all, which was fine because I was sitting with the funniest people in the class. For the last several years I have had the same general hair style:
 |
| This is me with a Princess Castle tent on my 21st birthday |
The semester of that class I decided to get a hair, and I got bangs. My hair/hair style was exactly the same, except I had bangs:
 |
| This is me in Scotland, with bangs. Pretty much the same thing right? |
So I walk into class with my new "style" and all of a sudden all the sorority girls want to talk to me. They compliment my hair, and ask where I got it done blah blah blah. A couple of them went home that day and friended me on Facebook.
All of sudden I was more interesting to them, since I had a "stylish" hair cut. (BTW I have let it grow back out now bangs are not for me)
When I was in Scotland, my friend and I stumbled upon a themed bar, the theme being punk rock. Now first off why there are themed bars I'll never know, but everyone in there was dressed punk rock, tattoos, Mohawks, combat boots. Everyone was super cool and punk even the customers. So I decided it would be fun to mix it up and go in dress opposite of everyone. My friends in Scotland are amazing, and one of my roommates was always doing embarrassing things with me because we are cool like that:
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| We accidentally had matching hats |
Overall what started as a social experiment and joke turned out to be one of my more awkward moments. (which is quite amazing since I have racked up a lot of awkward moments) I was honestly shocked at how almost hostile people were towards us because we weren't dresses as them.
I wanted to get pictures of us in these but I was so uncomfortable that we hurriedly finished what we ordered and split. I have since and prior to this done many little things messing with people and the reactions to someones appearance, such as playing in rivers wearing dresses, going to Walmart in 80's prom dresses from thrift stores, trick or treating the after Halloween and so on.
The thing is, people are used a "norm" and when someone does something silly like string them from a tree or draw chalk dinosaurs on public sidewalks or stand on campus with a "free hug" sign people get weirded out. When people are weired out by something out of the ordinary like this, they react one of three ways:
1. Ignore
2. Get offended
3. Join in
When I was a college student, I would in between classes sometimes bring Playdough and coloring books and plop down in the University Center and play. Random people would join in and it was awesome.
Being different gets peoples attention. As children of God we are set apart and have no choice but to be different, so we might as well go with it :)
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