Warning This Blog is Rather Sad

I teach at an alternative school.
I don't live in a major city or an area known for violence and tragedy but unfortunately my school has seen both this year.
Two of my high-school students were killed this year.

One student was only in my class for about a week. In that week we talked about the Lord, music, and most of our conversations ended with me warning him about the dangers of drugs.
The last class i saw him he did some art project then painted over it in big letters: "Is there a God".
I asked him why he wrote that and he responded with "because I don't know".
That was our last conversation.

Another student of mine recently was killed. A couple of hours before the tragedy occured she came by my class and introduced me to her baby. I held her baby and wished her luck with her new house and shared in her excitement of a new, calmer life.
She was killed just a couple hours later.

When I graduated I prayed for guidance for where God would have me work. I didn't want to stay in my college town, and asked the Lord for work elsewhere. With the current economic situation art teachers are some of the first to go.
There were no openings. I prayed that the Lord would guide me and if I should stay in my area that He would send me a sure sign, such as a job.
One week later 3 art teaching jobs opened up in my town.
Art jobs opening at all was a complete miracle to begin with, not to mention in my hometown. I don't pretend to be more important then I am and I know that me getting this job was directly the Lord's hand.

So that leaves me with the conclusion that for whatever reason He wanted me to be here for those kids.
While I didn't get to see those kids meet the Lord before they left us, I know The Lord had a plan for me being there. As far as I know I may be the only Christian teacher at the school which is a place that needs Him so much.
One of my other students I have been able to have many conversations with and she has started going to church and seeking which is encouraging to see her finding God.
I know the Lord has me there for a reason and what are the odds that those students were in my class, I being the only Christian in the whole school.
I think my idea of ministry is changing. God wants me there yes for my words and prayers but more then that to just bring His light. Most of these kids don't have access to any Light, and just being there brings God into their lives.
Its one of the hardest things I've done.
I have this 'heart on my sleeve' tattoo but ever since then I have to live what that means. Getting your heart broken for the ones who don't know Him.

I wanted to write this not to make people feel sorry for me or think I'm more then what I am because I'm not. I wanted to remind people that when our heart is open, God ministers through us in ways we don't even know. We are a positive impact on the world around us by just existing. He wouldn't have sent me to that school just to cause me pain, He wanted me there for a reason, and while I may not see it...I know it exists.