Sometimes when I watch movies I get stressed out. Maybe I'm watching a movie that I have heard good things about, or been told I would like. This sets me up with expectations, my number one expectation is that this movie will have a happy conclusion.
This is where the stress comes in. I believe and expect a happy ending, but what I am seeing contradicts my expectations. There is conflict, drama, secrets and suspense that are standing in the way of my much desired happy ending.
Are you ever watching a movie like this with so much up in the air, then you look at the time left and see the movie only has like 8 minutes left? How can all this possibly resolve in 8 minutes?? Sometimes it seems impossible. You know that it will conclude in some way, and if you have prior knowledge of the movie then you expect this conclusion to be pleasant. Sometimes I just can't see how its going to happen.
This happens to me in real life
There are things I know, such as God is good, and He always works things out. These are my expectations. However these expectations can get lost in situations, Sometimes things are happening, and while abstractly I know it'll all work out, I can't see how. And there's only 8 mins left...how is all of this going to resolve??
Last week I had one of these experiences.
I didn't this summer, and as a teacher this equals no paycheck for 2 months. Going into it, I knew this and had planned and budgeted accordingly, but then life happened and I had unexpected expenses which left me super broke. On Thursday of last week, I paid all of my bills, and had a surplus of $40. This was all the money I had left for gas and food for 3 weeks as well as money for an 8 hr road trip, which I had calculated round trip would cost me about $140. I have to take next weekend. Needless to say I was pretty stressed out. I kept praying for a miracle, but felt guilty for asking, as it was my own fault that I was so broke. Then I decided that I don't deserve anything ever really, so worse case I could ask for a miracle and God could just say no. So I asked for a miracle, like magical money in my account or unexpected checks in the mail miracle.
I did not have faith this would help.
I kept thinking about how God is good and does ALWAYS work stuff out, but how I couldn't see how it could possibly happen this time. (how many times have I thought that??)
So Friday I woke up with a peace. I decided that stress wouldn't help me at all, and the Lord told me to just take things one day at a time, and the rest would work out. I chuckled at this a little thinking 'yeah ok' and went to work.
That evening I got an email from school saying that they had just processed my financial aid (a week late) and would be sending me a refund of $150. Which was just the amount I had prayed for, and would pay for my trip to VA.
Perfect. A little miracle that relieved my concerns for that trip, but still not a complete solution.
This morning came part two.
I went to check my account balance because I knew it'd be bad since I had to get some gas yesterday.
Now let my preface this with I am a state employee, and I get paid routinely at the end of every month. It used to be the last Friday of every month, but they changed it this year to the last day, which was the cause of my lack of money, since I wouldn't be getting a check until the last of this month and hadn't gotten a paycheck since the end June.
Ok.
So logged into my checking account today, and much much to my surprise, found there to be money in it. For whatever reason, my monthly paycheck had been deposited into my account this morning, rather then when its supposed to be deposited, Sep. 28th.
WOAH!
This is a miracle. Let me just say that really took me by surprise.
Like I said I am on the State payroll, and get paid with everyone else so either they changed the schedule and I didn't know or they made a mistake and paid me early.
I don't really care what happened, either way it is an absolute miracle and came at the exact time I need it.
My mind is kinda blown.
Like I said I didn't know how I was going to eat, or get gas for work these next few weeks. I had abstract faith but it was fickle and mostly I was worried. But Friday I decided to choose faith, and hope that with that choice faith would come.
God totally surprised me.
I am embarrassed at how surprised I am.
I am not writing this to brag or make myself look good at all. Like I said I feel lame for not expecting my prayers to be answered, literally exactly what I had asked for, miraculous money in the mail and in my account.
It's crazy.
I shared because God gave me a gift that I did't deserve or even expected to receive and I want to acknowledge that.
I didn't deserve that miracle in the same way I don't deserve anything from God, but He still wants us to ask and He still gives.
No comments:
Post a Comment